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Global phone mobile sold by brand

Global phone mobile sold by brand Ewy5D
The barchart provides the data on the five different mobile phones sold globally in millions in the year 2009, 2011, 2013 respectively. Overall, Samsung and Apple had risen they sale gradually during these years of 2009, 2011 and 2013. While in contrast, Nokia and LG showed a decline. On the other hand, the brand ZTE slight increase in their sales. In 2009, The Brand Nokia hit its highest around 440 millions which was followed by samsung with 220 millions in sales. The Apple has suffered with less than 20 millions sales in the same year, whilst LG and ZTE has a minimum sales approximately 120 and 50 when compared to Apple. Nokia maintains its first position in sales in 2011 which is more than Samsung with 90 millions. Apple and LG witnessed equal sales of around 90, with ZTE performing least with 50 millions The brand samsung gained its popularity in 2013 marking its position to first with 450 than nokia with slight difference of around 10 millions. Apple showed a gradual increase in its sales when compared with the previous year. Following the similar trend, ZTE performed better slightly, Whereas, LG incurred a dip of around 80 millions
The
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barchart
provides the data on the five
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different
mobile phones sold globally in
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millions
in the
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year
2009, 2011, 2013
respectively
.

Overall
, Samsung and
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Apple
had risen they
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sale
gradually
during these years of 2009, 2011 and 2013. While
in contrast
, Nokia and LG
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a decline.
On the other hand
, the brand
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ZTE
slight increase in their sales.

In 2009, The Brand Nokia hit its highest
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around
440
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millions
which
was followed
by
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samsung
with 220
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millions
in
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sales
. The
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Apple
has suffered with less than 20
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millions
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sales
in the same
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year
, whilst LG and
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ZTE
has a minimum
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sales
approximately 120 and 50 when compared to Apple.

Nokia maintains its
first
position in
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sales
in 2011 which is more than Samsung with 90
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millions
.
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Apple
and LG witnessed equal
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sales
of
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around
90, with
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ZTE
performing least with 50
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millions


The brand
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samsung
gained its popularity in 2013 marking its position to
first
with 450 than
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nokia
with slight difference of
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around
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a gradual increase in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
when compared with the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Following the similar trend,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
performed better
slightly
, Whereas, LG incurred a dip of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
80
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
millions

IELTS essay Global phone mobile sold by brand

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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