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ome people Think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes .Do you agree or disagree?

ome people Think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. 5MVn
There is no doubt, nowadays crime rate is escalating rapidly. But there are many reasons which are responsible for higher crime rate. I disagree with this statement, poverty is not the only reason of the exceeding crimes. In my opinion, first of all, lack of good education is the main cause of illegal actions. There are many people who do not have enough education or may be they drop out of school, such people will never know how to behave with others politely. In addition to this eventually they cannot find a well-paid job which can afford a good life-style and for that they do criminal actions. The second reason is improper guidance of parents if parents are not providing good manners and etiquettes to their children, they can not become good citizens for society. Besides this, bad habits such as laziness or selfishness encourage them to do wrong deeds such as steal money from others rather than earning.  On other the hand, poverty is also one of biggest reasons for day by day increasing law violating actions as many people
There is no doubt, nowadays crime rate is escalating
rapidly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which are responsible for higher crime rate. I disagree with this statement, poverty is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of the exceeding crimes.

In my opinion,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education is the main cause of illegal actions. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
education or
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
may be
they drop out of school, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will never know how to behave with others
politely
.
In addition
to this
eventually
they cannot find a well-paid job which can afford a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
life-style and for that they do criminal actions. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is improper guidance of parents if parents are not providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners and
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
to their children, they can not become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizens for society.
Besides
this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as laziness or selfishness encourage them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
deeds such as steal money from others
rather
than earning.  On other the hand, poverty is
also
one of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the biggest".
biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for day by day increasing law violating actions as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people
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IELTS essay ome people Think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
180 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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