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ome people reckon that daily life of celebrities should be professed, others give the idea that the private information of them should be limited and protected

ome people reckon that daily life of celebrities should be professed, others give the idea that the private information of them should be limited and protected jVrMN
Nowadays, with the development of entertainment, there are many ideas about the public figure. While some people reckon that daily life of celebrities should be professed, others give the idea that the private information of them should be limited and protected. On the one hand, the public life will make a variety of beneficial consequent for both fans and famous people. Take Kim SeonHo, a Korean artist is an example, He addressed many adverse problems when he was accused by wrong news. As a result, the media was explained for him with the authentic proof. Through this case, the possible publicity of media will play a pivotal role in removing false news. Besides that, the general public have more right details about the people who they devotee. They won't pay much money or waste time for the people that live artificially different the things they show on tv. On the other hand, when the life of famous people is protected, that makes them a host of advantages. First of all, they will have more private space to do many activities like a normal people. The fact that almost celebrities are under much pressure from the public. When their information is security, they will feel more comfortable and it’s also a pice of cake for them to go outside and decompress. Moreover, in many cases media also gives false information and they had to endure a lot of criticism. That is unbalance for them who don’t do the wrong things but they still receive numerous negative comments. In conclusion, each individual has various choices, however for me, the news of public people should be limited and controlled. They should have interest for this.
Nowadays, with the development of entertainment, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
figure. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that daily life of celebrities should
be professed
, others give the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the private information of them should
be limited
and protected.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
life will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a variety of beneficial consequent for both fans and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Take Kim
Possible spelling mistake found.
SeonHo
, a Korean artist is an example, He addressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse problems when he
was accused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
news.
As a result
, the media was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
for him with the authentic proof. Through this case, the possible publicity of media will play a pivotal role in removing false news.
Besides
that, the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
have more right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they devotee
. They won't pay much money or waste time for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
artificially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
the things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
.

On the other hand
, when the life of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is protected
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them a host of advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they will have more private space to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities like a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The fact that almost celebrities are under much pressure from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. When their information is security, they will feel more comfortable and it’s
also
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pice
of cake for them to go outside and decompress.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases media
also
gives false
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
information and
they had to endure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
criticism.
That is
unbalance for them who don’t do the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
still
receive numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
comments.

In conclusion
, each individual has various choices,
however
for me, the news of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be limited
and controlled. They should have interest for this.
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IELTS essay ome people reckon that daily life of celebrities should be professed, others give the idea that the private information of them should be limited and protected

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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