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Older people are said to be much better leaders.

Older people are said to be much better leaders. lL1Ww
We live in a contemporary world where it has been observed that some people prefer to have older people take the lead as they believe older citizens hold much more experience than a young generation. However, I am completely opposed to the statement and my reason will be explained in the following paragraphs. To begin with, In recent scenarios, it can be noticed that, higher positions at the workplace are dominated by older people as they are most experienced, because they have spent years in that field to be an expert to lead a team. While fresh graduates are encouraged to join entry-level positions at the first phase of their working career and as they spend years working under supervision to gain experience later. A similar scenario can also be seen in the political department where aged people are working as a leader to develop the country. Despite the facts, there are multiple problems that can be encountered because of the growing number of older people taking up the leadership opportunity. Firstly, the young generation will lose the influence to join sections where mostly old people are preferred. And sometimes because of the age gap, aged leaders failed to fulfill the need or opportunities of the current generation. For example, If an older person is assigned as a team leader at a technology development sector and that person has expertise in technological items that were widely used previously but now it is not the same picture then it will be a problem for that person to cope with the situation and create correct development for a new generation. On the other hand, If young people are introduced as team leaders in certain sectors they will perform better responsibilities than older people. Reasoning the fact that they have received more updated training and because of their age, they have more energy to put into work for the better success of an industry or a department. To conclude, Older people are said to be more experienced but in certain sectors, experience is not required as much as energy and expertise. And to better serve the society encouraging the young generation is very important.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a contemporary world where it has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the lead as they believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
citizens hold much more experience than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
However
, I am completely opposed to the statement and my reason will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, In recent scenarios, it can
be noticed
that, higher positions at the workplace
are dominated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they are most experienced,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have spent years in that field to be an expert to lead a team. While fresh graduates
are encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
entry-level positions at the
first
phase of their working career and as they spend years working under supervision to gain experience later. A similar scenario can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the political department where aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
to develop the country.

Despite the facts, there are multiple problems that can
be encountered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
taking up the leadership opportunity.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation will lose the influence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
sections where
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are preferred
. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the age gap, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
failed to fulfill the need or opportunities of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation.
For example
, If an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
person
is assigned
as a team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
at a technology development sector and that person has expertise in technological items that were
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
previously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is not the same picture then it will be a problem for that person to cope with the situation and create correct development for a new generation.

On the other hand
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are introduced
as team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
in certain sectors they will perform better responsibilities than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Reasoning the fact that they have received more updated training and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their age, they have more energy to put into work for the better success of an industry or a department.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are said
to be more experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in certain sectors, experience is not required as much as energy and expertise. And to better serve the society encouraging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

IELTS essay Older people are said to be much better leaders.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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