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older people and their contribution to society

older people and their contribution to society e5gbx
Thanks to science and medicine technological advances we now have the opportunity to prolong our life spans drastically. But whether is a good or a bad idea is still unknown to us. In my personal opinion, it will not be beneficial for human kind or the planet to prolong our lifespans. I believe is amazing that now old people can carry on with their activities thanks to modern medicine. For example nowadays we can see our elders practice high impact sports without having much of a difficulty healthwise. But on the other hand if we increase or lifespans, overpopulation will become a bigger problem than it is right now. The planet is not prepared for more human beings, because the longer we will the more resources we will have to spent. Also seeing it from the more human side of things, economically the countries are not prepared to have a high amount of elders in their population. Because the majority of elders have finished their laboral lives, so in consequence they do not produce money anymore, but the government still has to pay for their medical insurance and give them their jubilation money. So given the former statements we can conclude that having a more durable elderly population will only be a problem in the long run, both ecologically and economically.
Thanks to science and medicine technological advances we
now
have the opportunity to prolong our life spans
drastically
.
But
whether is a
good
or a
bad
idea
is
still
unknown to us.

In my personal opinion, it will not be beneficial for human kind or the planet to prolong our lifespans. I believe is amazing that
now
old
people
can carry on with their activities thanks to modern medicine.
For example
nowadays we can
see
our elders practice high impact sports without having much of a difficulty
healthwise
.

But
on the other hand
if we increase or lifespans, overpopulation will become a bigger problem than it is right
now
. The planet is not prepared for more human beings,
because
the longer we will the more resources we will have
to spent
.

Also
seeing it from the more human side of things,
economically
the countries are not prepared to have a high amount of elders in their population.
Because
the majority of elders have finished their
laboral
lives
,
so
in consequence they do not produce money anymore,
but
the
government
still
has to
pay for their medical insurance and give them their jubilation money.

So
given
the former statements we can conclude that having a more durable elderly population will
only
be a problem in the long run, both
ecologically
and
economically
.
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IELTS essay older people and their contribution to society

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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