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Offices, schools and buildings should be located in different areas, in the view of some people. Do advantage outweigh disadvantage? v.1

Offices, schools and buildings should be located in different areas, in the view of some people. Do advantage outweigh disadvantage? v. 1
The issue of whether it is more enjoyable for city dwellers to have buildings relocated into specific areas or not remains a source of controversy. While there is a strong case for the latter view, I am more inclined to the former. On the one hand, those against mass construction of offices, schools, shops and homes in seperated areas may state their reasons as follows. The first and foremost explanation would be the difficulties in travel arrangements, making citizens consume a considerable amount of time. For example, metropolitan parents will find it inconvenient to travel between schools and offices in order to pick up their children after classes. Moreover, it is also believed that this strategy can cause traffic congestion during peak time due to long-distance travel. On the other hand, I would advocate with those who contend that this new urban design would bring three obvious advantages. First of all, this provides citizens greater convenience if we want to access a specific area for a single purpose. For example, whenever we go shopping, we can easily get around to purchase whatever we want without travelling to different destinations. Another noticeable benefit of this policy would be a more secure living environment, which can be considered as a deterrent against crimes. With the shops are located far from private houses, it is unlikely for thefts and burglaries to take place. Finally, as schools and offices are located far from crowded areas such as shopping areas, students and officers would not suffer from distraction or any attention deficit disorders, fostering work and study productivity. In conclusion, it undeniable that constructing buildings in different areas has its pros and cons. However, I am more inclined to the benefits this strategy would create in terms of convenience and practicality.
The issue of whether it is more enjoyable for city dwellers to have buildings relocated into specific
areas
or not remains a source of controversy. While there is a strong case for the latter view, I am more inclined to the former.

On the one hand, those against mass construction of offices, schools, shops and homes in
seperated
areas
may state their reasons as follows. The
first
and foremost explanation would be the difficulties in travel arrangements, making citizens consume a considerable amount of time.
For example
, metropolitan parents will find it inconvenient to travel between schools and offices in order to pick up their children after classes.
Moreover
, it is
also
believed that this strategy can cause traffic congestion during peak time due to long-distance travel.

On the other hand
, I would advocate with those who contend that this new urban design would bring three obvious advantages.
First of all
, this provides citizens greater convenience if we want to access a specific
area
for a single purpose.
For example
, whenever we go shopping, we can
easily
get
around to
purchase
whatever we want without travelling to
different
destinations. Another noticeable benefit of this policy would be a more secure living environment, which can
be considered
as a deterrent against crimes. With the shops
are located
far from private
houses
, it is unlikely for thefts and burglaries to take place.
Finally
, as schools and offices
are located
far from crowded
areas
such as shopping
areas
, students and officers would not suffer from distraction or any attention deficit disorders, fostering work and study productivity.

In conclusion
,
it
undeniable that constructing buildings in
different
areas
has its pros and cons.
However
, I am more inclined to the benefits this strategy would create in terms of convenience and practicality.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Offices, schools and buildings should be located in different areas, in the view of some people. Do advantage outweigh disadvantage? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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