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obesity is becoming a serious problem. causes and solutions

obesity is becoming a serious problem. causes and solutions BlJQp
It is undeniable that many children around the world are becoming obese and this certainly becomes a serious problem. There are a lot of reasons behind this issue and I strongly believe that it can be solved by several solutions. Eating junk food is probably one of the main reasons for obesity. Most of the children nowadays are fond of eating hamburgers, chips, McDonald’s and soft drinks, which are easy to be bought in school canteens. Moreover, parents are busy and do not have time to cook at home, resulting in buying dinner for their children. This calorie rich diet is also making children obese. Another possible reason for child obesity could be sedentary lifestyle. These days, increasing number of children prefer to play computer games, chat on the net, rather than playing outside and doing sport. For the solutions, I think there are several ways that can be done by parents, schools and government together. Firstly, give children healthy food and control what they eat. For example, instead of drinking soft cans, let them drink milk, eat more vegetables and less fat contents. Parents should also restrict the time for the children to play games and encouraging them to do regular exercises. For the government, it should educate the children about the detrimental effects of obesity and how to live healthy lifestyle. Moreover, it is the government’s responsibility to limit junk food advertisements and prohibit selling them in canteens. In conclusion, it is clear that main reasons for obesity are eating junk food and sedentary lifestyle. This ailment can be tackled by various solutions as described above.
It is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
around the world are becoming obese and this
certainly
becomes a serious problem. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this issue and I
strongly
believe that it can
be solved
by several solutions.

Eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
probably
one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for obesity. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays are fond of eating hamburgers, chips, McDonald’s and soft drinks, which are easy to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in school canteens.
Moreover
, parents are busy and do not have time to cook at home, resulting in buying dinner for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This calorie rich diet is
also
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obese. Another possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for child obesity could be sedentary lifestyle. These days, increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to play computer games, chat on the net,
rather
than playing outside and doing sport.

For the solutions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are several ways that can
be done
by parents, schools and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
together.
Firstly
, give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and control what they eat.
For example
,
instead
of drinking soft cans,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them drink milk, eat more vegetables and less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
contents. Parents should
also
restrict the time for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play games and encouraging them to do regular exercises. For the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, it should educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the detrimental effects of obesity and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy lifestyle.
Moreover
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s responsibility to limit junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertisements and prohibit selling them in canteens.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for obesity are eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and sedentary lifestyle. This ailment can
be tackled
by various solutions as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above.
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IELTS essay obesity is becoming a serious problem. causes and solutions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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