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Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Due to technological advancements, a number of individuals have shifted to a sedentary lifestyle, which is the major cause of obesity. A developed country is capable of providing a more comfortable life to its citizens/residents, so the ratio of obese individuals will be high in those countries. In my opinion, there are multiple reasons for obesity in individuals, as discussed below. Firstly, the lifestyle of individuals plays a huge role in their physique. A number of individuals keep count of their calories and they will only eat as much as they can burn in a day. Contrary to that a large number of people do not keep a count on their calories and gain weight in unawareness. Secondly, the company matters, if a high school student has a group of friends who like to hang out at Burger King or Mcdonald's after school on daily basis, then it might be hard for them to maintain a healthy weight. For instance, it's also very common in students to love junk food and keep on bulging it multiple times a day. Let it be chocolate or some lime-flavored crisps, they cannot keep a count of calories. However, there are various ways to deal with this type of behavior which will lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. The most important factor is calorie count, there are many apps that count the calories on the spot so individuals can keep a record of calories consumed, and then they can also keep on track the calories burned in a day. Furthermore, parents play a crucial role in the development of children from childhood to adulthood, for example, if a kid observes a healthy routine in-home since childhood, will never be interested in products that are hard to digest and even harder to burn. Moreover, individuals who already have gained weight can take the help of a couch and start with a plan to lose weight. By any means if the couch is expensive then the internet is the best solution to every problem, with an ocean of knowledge, a number of people can take advantage of stories of people posted on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest. There is no shame to start something and then share with all the world that how you achieved something which initially seemed impossible. To sum up, I would add my remarks as obesity has many drawbacks, risk of heart disease, low self-esteem, reduced confidence, depression, and many more. But it's better to be safe than sorry. People can make improvements in their lives at any time. Some mistakes are just learning experiences of life.
Due to technological advancements, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have shifted to a sedentary lifestyle, which is the major cause of obesity. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
is capable of providing a more comfortable life to its citizens/residents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the ratio of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will be high in those countries. In my opinion, there are multiple reasons for obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, as discussed below.

Firstly
, the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
plays a huge role in their physique. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
of their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
calories and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
eat as much as they can burn in a day. Contrary to that a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
on their calories and gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
in unawareness.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
matters, if a high school student has a group of friends who like to hang out at Burger King or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mcdonald
's after school on daily basis, then it might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to maintain a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
For instance
, it's
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
junk food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
on bulging it multiple times a day.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
it be chocolate or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lime-flavored
‘crisps’ is a common British expression. Consider using expressions more common to American English.
crisps
, they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
of calories.
However
, there are various ways to deal with this type of behavior which will lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
apps that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
the calories on the
Use a comma before ‘so’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
spot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
a record of calories consumed, and then they can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the calories burned in a day.
Furthermore
, parents play a crucial role in the development of children from childhood to adulthood,
for example
, if a kid observes a healthy routine in-home since childhood, will never
be interested
in products that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to digest and even harder to burn.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who already have gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
can take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a couch and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with a plan to lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. By any means if the couch is expensive then the internet is the best solution to every problem, with an ocean of knowledge, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take advantage of stories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
posted on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest. There is no shame to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
something and then share with all the world that how you achieved something which
initially
seemed impossible. To sum up, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
my remarks as obesity has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart disease, low self-esteem,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
confidence, depression, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it's better to be safe than sorry.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
improvements in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at any time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
mistakes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learning experiences of life.
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IELTS essay Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
432 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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