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Obesity is a complex disease which involves an excessive amount of body fat

Obesity is a complex disease which involves an excessive amount of body fat RwRLQ
Obesity is a complex disease which involves an excessive amount of body fat. A moderate group of people think that the rise in obesity in children is fault of the government. However, others hold the parents responsible for it. This essay will discuss both sides of the story and provide evidence as to why the parents are responsible for this condition in children. To begin with, the government of a country is responsible for the well-being of its citizens in most aspects of life including health, education and financials. It is the government’s duty to build hospitals, provide health insurance and make plans for a healthy lifestyle of the population. However, the government cannot reach each and every child in the country to guide him or her personally about a healthy lifestyle because it is an impossible task to individually take care of each citizen. In contrast to that, a major responsibility falls over the parents to look after their children’s health, eating habits and lifestyle. In fact, the parents can personally reach their children, observe and ask them about their daily routine, plan a healthy diet for them, make them do exercise regularly and show them to a doctor in case of showing signs of Obesity. Moreover, arranging the financials that are involved with the children’s health is a duty of the parents rather than the government which makes them solely responsible for their children’s physical condition. In conclusion, the government maybe somehow responsible for creating a healthy ecosystem for the children but the main responsibility falls on parents to take care of their children having obesity.
Obesity is a complex disease which involves an excessive amount of body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. A moderate group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the rise in obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is fault of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
However
, others hold the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for it. This essay will discuss both sides of the story and provide evidence as to why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for this condition in children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of a country is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for the well-being of its citizens in most aspects of life including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, education and financials. It is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
duty to build hospitals, provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle of the population.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot reach each and every child in the country to guide him or her
personally
about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is an impossible task to
individually
take care of each citizen.

In contrast
to that, a major responsibility falls over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, eating habits and lifestyle. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
personally
reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, observe and ask them about their daily routine, plan a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet for them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them do exercise
regularly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them to a doctor in case of showing signs of Obesity.
Moreover
, arranging the financials that
are involved
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is a duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
solely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical condition.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
maybe somehow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
ecosystem for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main responsibility falls on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having obesity.
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IELTS essay Obesity is a complex disease which involves an excessive amount of body fat

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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