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Obesity in the children and population

Obesity in the children and population Ogxd7

This is going to work. Reading is good to have you. Sunset is not okay. There are a lot of people who suffer from health conditions. One of the leading disease is obesity of children. Children nowadays have sedentary lifestyle. It is due to high cholesterol level. Things, in which, cholesterol is high includes chicken, butter, oil, fried food, and sunflower oil. Lifestyle is the main reason why people are having more obese than former.

This is going to work. Reading is This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :beneficialproduct
good
 to have you. Sunset is not okay. There are This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 who suffer from health conditions. One of the leading disease is obesity of children. Children nowadays have sedentary lifestyle. It is due to high cholesterol level. Things, in which, cholesterol is high includes chicken, butter, oil, fried food, and sunflower oil. Lifestyle is the main reason why This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 are having more obese than former. 

IELTS essay Obesity in the children and population

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

75 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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