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Who is the most successful person you know?

Who is the most successful person you know? Ogxpy
I am a big fan of Disney Channel, I see it everyday. Absolutely, my idol is Walter Elias Disney who is the founder of Walt Disney Company and is respected for his contribution to the film production industry in the world. He underwent a wide range of failures. First of all, He and his co-worker working with in the Pesmen–Rubin Art Studio Company found the Iwerks-Disney Art company. Although the company had a number of initial works achieved the certain success, the company invested a lot of money to produce films and fell into debt, leading to the bankruptcy. Shortly, He made his own animated series which were called “Laugh-O-Grams”. The movie Laugh-O-Grams quickly spread throughout Kansas City, which brought a huge amount of money from this success. Apart from it, Disney bought a studio and he formed Laugh–O–Gram Company. Not long after, Laugh–O–Gram Company also went the bankruptcy. Returning to California, he did no give up and decided to continue his dream. The first sketch that he came up with was a clever, nimble mouse which looked like a caricature. On November 18, 1928, Mickey Mouse was performed in the first time in New York City to a resounding success. This performance brought a resounding success. After the success of Mickey Mouse, a series of other Disney cartoon characters also created the reputation for him such as Donald Duck, Minnie Mouse - Mickey's "girlfriend", Daisy duck and so on. After succeeding with the animation sphere, Disney entered the business field. He invested nearly 10 million USD to build the Disneyland theme park which was decorated by the company’s cartoon characters. After Disneyland, in the mid-1960s, Walt Disney continued erecting a larger project. That project was the Disney World with social purposes. Disney World was much larger than the Disneyland. It included theme parks, hotel complexes, airports and so on. Every year, millions of people visit Disneyland and Disney World theme parks. Up to now, Walt Disney has become a name that everyone must remember when they talk to their childhood.
I am a
big
fan of Disney Channel, I
see
it
everyday
.
Absolutely
, my idol is Walter Elias Disney who is the founder of Walt Disney
Company
and
is respected
for his contribution to the film production industry in the world.

He underwent a wide range of failures.
First of all
, He and his co-worker working with in the
Pesmen
–Rubin Art Studio
Company
found the
Iwerks-Disney
Art
company
. Although the
company
had a number of initial works achieved the certain
success
, the
company
invested
a lot of
money to produce films and fell into debt, leading to the bankruptcy.

Shortly, He made his
own
animated series which
were called
“Laugh-O-Grams”. The movie Laugh-O-Grams
quickly
spread throughout Kansas City, which brought a huge amount of money from this
success
. Apart from it, Disney
bought
a
studio and
he formed
Laugh–O–Gram
Company
. Not long after,
Laugh–O–Gram
Company
also
went the bankruptcy.

Returning to California, he did no give up and decided to continue his dream. The
first
sketch that he came up with was a clever, nimble mouse which looked like a caricature. On November 18, 1928, Mickey Mouse
was performed
in the
first
time in New York City to a resounding
success
. This performance brought a resounding success.

After the
success
of Mickey Mouse, a series of other Disney cartoon characters
also
created the reputation for him such as Donald Duck, Minnie Mouse
-
Mickey's
"
girlfriend
"
,
Daisy duck
and
so
on.

After succeeding with the animation sphere, Disney entered the business field. He invested
nearly
10 million USD to build the Disneyland theme park which
was decorated
by the
company’s
cartoon characters.

After Disneyland, in the mid-1960s, Walt Disney continued erecting a larger project. That project was the Disney World with social purposes. Disney World was much larger than the Disneyland. It included theme parks, hotel complexes, airports and
so
on. Every year, millions of
people
visit Disneyland and Disney World theme parks.

Up to
now
, Walt Disney has become a name that everyone
must
remember when they talk to their childhood.
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IELTS essay Who is the most successful person you know?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
341 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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