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. Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

. Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience 1m10N
Obesity is a major problem that is increasing day by day among school children. There are various reasons behind it. This essay will discuss the causes of obesity and offer some solutions to address the issue. There is evidence to demonstrate that obesity is a consequence of numerous factors. This leading tendency is caused by several factors such as ingestion of a huge proportion of fast foods, and people are enjoying a sedentary lifestyle. Excessive consumption of junk foods is the number one cause of obesity. Junk or fast foods are rich in calories and unhealthy fats. When they consume more calories than their body can burn, it will convert the excess calories into fat. Many parents have hectic schedules and they spend less time preparing home-cooked meals for their children so they opt for fast food with high-fat content daily. Some other children are attracted to food that is high in sugar and fat such as hamburgers, milk tea, fried chicken. In addition to the above-mentioned processed food, eating bigger portions than they need or taking in more calories than they burn off also makes children obese. Another possible factor could be that children nowadays tend to have a sedentary lifestyle, they play computer games, chat on the internet rather than doing sport or playing outside. Moreover, some children go to school in their parents’ car instead of walking or cycling to school. Therefore, they cannot burn off calories and become overweight. On the other hand, I think several measurements can be done by parents, governments, and schools. Firstly, giving children healthy food, controlling what they eat, and ensuring that they have a healthy diet. For example, a diet that includes more vegetables and less fat contents. Secondly, governments can limit junk food advertisements or prohibit those which are directed to children. Finally, restrict the time they spend on the computer and video games, and encourage them to do regular exercise. In conclusion, it is true that obesity among children with its negative impacts, is growing at an alarming rate but it seems to me that there are many solutions to tackle this problem.
Obesity is a major problem
that is
increasing day by day among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are various reasons behind it. This essay will discuss the causes of obesity and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to address the issue. There is evidence to demonstrate that obesity is a consequence of numerous factors. This leading tendency
is caused
by several factors such as ingestion of a huge proportion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are enjoying a sedentary lifestyle. Excessive consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is the number one cause of obesity. Junk or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are rich in calories and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fats
. When they consume more calories than their body can burn, it will convert the excess calories into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents have hectic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schedules and
they spend less time preparing home-cooked meals for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they opt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
content daily.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are attracted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that is
high in sugar and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
such as hamburgers, milk tea, fried chicken.
In addition
to the above-mentioned processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, eating bigger portions than they need or taking in more calories than they burn off
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obese. Another possible factor could be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays tend to have a sedentary lifestyle, they play computer games, chat on the internet
rather
than doing sport or playing outside.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in their parents’ car
instead
of walking or cycling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Therefore
, they cannot burn off calories and become overweight.
On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
several measurements can
be done
by parents,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Firstly
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, controlling what they eat, and ensuring that they have a healthy diet.
For example
, a diet that includes more vegetables and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
contents.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can limit junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertisements or prohibit those which
are directed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Finally
, restrict the time they spend on the computer and video games, and encourage them to do regular exercise.
In conclusion
, it is true that obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, is growing at an alarming rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems to me that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to tackle this problem.
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IELTS essay . Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
355 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • . Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience