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number of CFC emissions in 1989-2001 in four countries

number of CFC emissions in 1989-2001 in four countries O6njj
Poland had the biggest quantity of emission with 5000 metric tons in 1989. However, in the following years, these figures dropped sharply. Whereas in Poland, the amount of emission fell steadily to a low point of approximately 200 metric tons in 2001; in Ukraine, there was a sharp decline in emitting gases, reaching a point of less than 1000 metric tons and then went up slightly until 2001 with about 1100 metric tons. Meanwhile, Malaysia and Egypt had lower emission levels than Poland and Ukraine in 1989; but these figures were higher than other countries in 2001. From 1989 to 1995, Malaysia’s emission level remained constant at about 3500 metric tons before it decreased gradually. At the same time, there was a steady decrease in emission between 1989 and 2001 in Egypt.
Poland had the biggest quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
with 5000 metric tons in 1989.
However
, in the following years, these figures dropped
sharply
. Whereas in Poland, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
fell
steadily
to a low point of approximately 200 metric tons in 2001; in Ukraine, there was a sharp decline in emitting gases, reaching a point of less than 1000 metric tons and then went up
slightly
until 2001 with about 1100 metric tons.

Meanwhile, Malaysia and Egypt had lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
levels than Poland and Ukraine in 1989;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these figures were higher than other countries in 2001. From 1989 to 1995, Malaysia’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
level remained constant at about 3500 metric tons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it decreased
gradually
. At the same time, there was a steady decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
between 1989 and 2001 in Egypt.
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IELTS essay number of CFC emissions in 1989-2001 in four countries

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
132 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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