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nowdays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work.what are the causes in your opinion for this ? how is it affecting family life and the society as whole?

nowdays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work. what are the causes in your opinion for this? how is it affecting family life and the society as whole? QwoKb
In recent times, individuals are give more time in workplace rather than family members and friends. This is mainly due to harsh competition in job marketing and incresing dearness day by day. However, this is badly impacts on their bonding with family mambers and makin their life more stressfull. On one hand, a multinational compney gives a huge salary to people, but they give too much workload. People wants to fullfill their basic needs, better life and education and get better health treatment, so they strech their limits and they spend most their time on working. In contrast, when individuals spend most of tgeur time on work place then they hardly get a time for their family which further give a birth to issues such as lack of bonding and other topics and if people work for long time then it also effects their health and leads to medical problems like a blodd pressure, heart attack, and so on. On the other hand, the competition among youngsters to achieve success in their life is going at high level. Everyone is in the race of getting life better than other and achieve somthing bigger in their life. Therefore, all individuals are working long time in their officr and leave their all comfortzone and work hard for earning extra money. In contrast, when employee put their all energy and motivation in his work and even if he work late night then it isnot only his chance to get pramotion, but also raises the compney profit. It is situation for employee to win as well as employer win. In conclusion, no dout overtime give chance to earn more money and give better experience, but people should notices that overload doesnot impact on his perosnallife. It is suggested that individuals must know how to keep balance between professional life and private life.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in workplace
rather
than family members and friends. This is
mainly
due to harsh competition in job marketing and
Possible spelling mistake found.
incresing
dearness day by day.
However
, this is
badly
impacts on their bonding with family
Possible spelling mistake found.
mambers
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
makin
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
stressfull
. On one hand, a multinational
Possible spelling mistake found.
compney
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
a huge salary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
too much workload.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfill
their basic needs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
health treatment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
strech
their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
limits and
they spend most their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on working.
In contrast
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
spend most of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tgeur
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place then they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their family which
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a birth to issues such as lack of bonding and other topics and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
then it
also
effects their health and leads to medical problems like a
Possible spelling mistake found.
blodd
pressure, heart attack, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
On the other hand
, the competition among youngsters to achieve success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is going at high level. Everyone is in the race of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than other and achieve
Possible spelling mistake found.
somthing
bigger in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are working long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
officr
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their all
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfortzone
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for earning extra money.
In contrast
, when employee put their all energy and motivation in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and even if he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
late night then it
Possible spelling mistake found.
isnot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
his chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
pramotion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
raises the
Possible spelling mistake found.
compney
profit. It is situation for employee to win
as well
as employer win.
In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
no dout
overtime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
chance to earn more money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "notice"
notices
that overload
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesnot
impact on his
Possible spelling mistake found.
perosnallife
. It
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance between professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay nowdays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work. what are the causes in your opinion for this? how is it affecting family life and the society as whole?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • nowdays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work.what are the causes in your opinion for this ? how is it affecting family life and the society as whole?