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Nowadays,younger generation spend too much their time shopping mall.

Nowadays, younger generation spend too much their time shopping mall. 7Pg2X
In the contemporary world, the youth spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping malls. It causes a fear that the development of this trend could have deleterious impacts on young people and the community. I would give several reasons to account for my consent to the afore-mentioned view. On the individual level, there are many compelling reasons why young people prefer to spend their spare time in shopping centers and how it affects young people. To begin with, spending much time in shopping malls would give young people access to a high volume of advertisements and products which pose a feeling of desire. In this case, they could not control themselves and pour a substantial amount of money into purchasing products. This eventually causes an unhealthy lifestyle that and poses a great menace to their mind in consuming and purchasing in their life. Additionally, having negative effects on their life, their study and their physical health. When using much time in these locations, the young people could be distracted from their schoolwork, and they also would not take part in sports activities. which contributes to the rate of a sedentary lifestyle. On the society level, the massive purchasing could be a facilitator in the unemployment rate due to the ignorance of young people in developing their skills and knowledge. Therefore, it causes a society lacking experiences and knowledge. Also, the progress of this trend would contribute to large amounts of rubbish. To be specific, when clothing or cosmetic shops drive their discount schemes, each person has a tendency to buy an enormous number of products; in reality, however, they would not use them and eventually, these products would be covered by dust, not fit, or overdue before their first use. Furthermore, the massive consumption would press and put the burden on the national economy because of pouring money into manufacturing to satisfy the demand of citizens. To sum up, I firmly refute the trend of spending a large amount of time in shopping malls due to its detrimental impacts on humankind, the community as well as the national economy. Therefore, I suppose that the young group should know how to control their time and money in shopping to avoid several undesirable consequences.
In the contemporary world, the youth spend a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls. It causes a fear that the development of this trend could have deleterious impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the community. I would give several reasons to account for my consent to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
afore-mentioned
view.

On the individual level, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
compelling reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to spend their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers and how it affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, spending much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls would give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
access to a high volume of advertisements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which pose a feeling of desire.
In this case
, they could not control themselves and pour a substantial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money into purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This
eventually
causes an unhealthy lifestyle that and poses a great menace to their mind in consuming and purchasing in their life.
Additionally
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on their life, their study and their physical health. When using much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in these locations, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
be distracted
from their schoolwork, and they
also
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in sports activities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
contributes to the rate of a sedentary lifestyle.

On the society level, the massive purchasing could be a facilitator in the unemployment rate due to the ignorance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in developing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge.
Therefore
, it causes a society lacking experiences and knowledge.
Also
, the progress of this trend would contribute to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of rubbish. To be specific, when clothing or cosmetic shops drive their discount schemes, each person has a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an enormous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
; in reality,
however
, they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them and
eventually
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
would be
The usual preposition for "cover" is "in" not "by." Revise: "covered in dust" or "covered with dust".
covered by dust
, not fit, or overdue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Furthermore
, the massive consumption would press and put the burden on the national economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of pouring money into manufacturing to satisfy the demand of citizens.

To sum up, I
firmly
refute the trend of spending a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls due to its detrimental impacts on humankind, the community
as well
as the national economy.
Therefore
, I suppose that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
group should know how to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
to avoid several undesirable consequences.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, younger generation spend too much their time shopping mall.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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