Search
Vocabularying
Listening
Reading
1. Academic
2. General
Writing
1. IELTSWriting Checker
2. IELTS Writing Samples
Speaking

Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.

Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people think that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people think that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. YGVV

Globalisation, technology and media have hit the world with a greater force than we could have imagined. With these changing times, most young people now prefer expending their leisure times at malls rather than having a constructive hobby. Some opine that the practice of consuming too much time in shopping centres could be detrimental for youth and society as a whole, which I agree with. To begin with, most teenagers and youngsters acquire either from their pocket money or their parent’s money, usually to show off. For example, an 18-year-old will probably acquire an expensive dress to brandish in front of her friends or a young man will get an expensive phone to display his wealth. However, This money is put to better use, like, education for the poor or self-improvement can ensure a better community. In addition, going to shopping centres is not just about paying for things anymore they often go to these shopping arcades in order to try out a food chain. Doing this regularly can have adverse effects on the health of the individual. Excessive purchasing also affects civilization. It leads to excessive consumption which is detrimental to the environment. Also, when young people are obsessed with spending, they will fall into the debt trap. As they cannot find enough money to fulfil their buying goals or to pay off their deficits caused by extravagant buying, youngsters may get into illegal activities like robbery, shoplifting or even smuggling. All of these has a detrimental effect on community. In conclusion, purchasing is good so long as it is done in moderation. If young people spend an excessive amount of time in malls, they will not have much time to focus on their studies and they will also fall into debt which hurts them as well as their society.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.Globalization
Globalisation
, technology and media have hit the world with a greater force than we could have imagined. With these changing You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
times
, most You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewbuddingyouthfulinexperienced
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :nowadays
now
 prefer expending their leisure You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
times
 at malls rather
 than having a constructive hobby. This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
Some
 opine that the practice of consuming too much You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
 in shopping Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.centers
centres
 could be detrimental for youth and society as a whole, which I This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquiesce
agree
 with.

To This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :initiatecommence
begin
 with, most This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :juvenilesadolescents
teenagers
 and youngsters acquire either from their pocket You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsalarywagewealthpaybillcash
money
 or their parent’s You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsalarywagewealthpaybillcash
money
, usually
 to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :demonstrateportrayindicatedisplay
show
 off. For example
, an 18-year-This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ancientagedmature
old
 will probably
 acquire an expensive dress to brandish in front of her friends or a You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewbuddingyouthfulinexperienced
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualresidentcitizen
man
 will This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 an expensive phone to display his wealth. However
, This You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsalarywagewealthpaybillcash
money
is put
 to better This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exploit
use
, like, education for the poor or self-improvement can ensure a better community.

In addition
, going to shopping Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.centers
centres
 is not This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:merely
just
 about paying for things Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?any more
anymore
 they This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:frequently
often
 go to these shopping arcades in order to try out a food chain. Doing this regularly
 can have adverse effects on the health of the individual.

Excessive purchasing also
 affects civilization. It leads to excessive consumption which is detrimental to the environment. Also
, when You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewbuddingyouthfulinexperienced
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
are obsessed
 with spending, they will fall into the debt trap. As they cannot find This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:abundance
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsalarywagewealthpaybillcash
money
 to fulfil their buying goals or to pay off their deficits caused by extravagant buying, youngsters may This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 into illegal activities like robbery, shoplifting or even smuggling. All of these has a detrimental effect on community.

In conclusion
, purchasing is This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :beneficialproduct
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
so
 long as it is done
 in moderation. If You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewbuddingyouthfulinexperienced
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 spend an excessive amount of You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
 in malls, they will not have much You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
 to focus on their Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).studies, and
studies and
 they will also
 fall into debt which hurts them as well
 as their society. 