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Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people think that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people think that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. YGVV
Globalisation, technology and media have hit the world with a greater force than we could have imagined. With these changing times, most young people now prefer expending their leisure times at malls rather than having a constructive hobby. Some opine that the practice of consuming too much time in shopping centres could be detrimental for youth and society as a whole, which I agree with. To begin with, most teenagers and youngsters acquire either from their pocket money or their parent’s money, usually to show off. For example, an 18-year-old will probably acquire an expensive dress to brandish in front of her friends or a young man will get an expensive phone to display his wealth. However, This money is put to better use, like, education for the poor or self-improvement can ensure a better community. In addition, going to shopping centres is not just about paying for things anymore they often go to these shopping arcades in order to try out a food chain. Doing this regularly can have adverse effects on the health of the individual. Excessive purchasing also affects civilization. It leads to excessive consumption which is detrimental to the environment. Also, when young people are obsessed with spending, they will fall into the debt trap. As they cannot find enough money to fulfil their buying goals or to pay off their deficits caused by extravagant buying, youngsters may get into illegal activities like robbery, shoplifting or even smuggling. All of these has a detrimental effect on community. In conclusion, purchasing is good so long as it is done in moderation. If young people spend an excessive amount of time in malls, they will not have much time to focus on their studies and they will also fall into debt which hurts them as well as their society.
Globalisation
, technology and media have hit the world with a greater force than we could have imagined. With these changing
times
, most
young
people
now
prefer expending their leisure
times
at malls
rather
than having a constructive hobby.
Some
opine that the practice of consuming too much
time
in shopping
centres
could be detrimental for youth and society as a whole, which I
agree
with.

To
begin
with, most
teenagers
and youngsters acquire either from their pocket
money
or their parent’s
money
,
usually
to
show
off.
For example
, an 18-year-
old
will
probably
acquire an expensive dress to brandish in front of her friends or a
young
man
will
get
an expensive phone to display his wealth.
However
, This
money
is put
to better
use
, like, education for the poor or self-improvement can ensure a better community.

In addition
, going to shopping
centres
is not
just
about paying for things
anymore
they
often
go to these shopping arcades in order to try out a food chain. Doing this
regularly
can have adverse effects on the health of the individual.

Excessive purchasing
also
affects civilization. It leads to excessive consumption which is detrimental to the environment.
Also
, when
young
people
are obsessed
with spending, they will fall into the debt trap. As they cannot find
enough
money
to fulfil their buying goals or to pay off their deficits caused by extravagant buying, youngsters may
get
into illegal activities like robbery, shoplifting or even smuggling. All of these has a detrimental effect on community.

In conclusion
, purchasing is
good
so
long as it
is done
in moderation. If
young
people
spend an excessive amount of
time
in malls, they will not have much
time
to focus on their
studies and
they will
also
fall into debt which hurts them
as well
as their society.
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IELTS essay Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people think that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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