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Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sports and music. Do you think its a positive or negative development.

Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sports and music. Do you think its a positive or negative development. Llpw8
Young people want to spend their time doing fascinating things, and shopping has become increasingly popular, while sports and music have received less attention. Shopping, in my opinion, has had a bad effect on life, and I have provided evidence in this essay to back up my claim. To begin with, when compared to sports and music, shopping has numerous drawbacks, the most serious of which is money loss. Shopping costs money and making it a habit is harmful in the long run. When you have a lot of options to choose from, shopping can take a long time. Except for the ability to choose a design and color scheme, shopping teaches nothing, whereas sports and music are valuable skills. Sports, on the other hand, teaches a variety of life skills. Some of these are connected to teamwork, decision-making improvement, and pressure management. Music also helps us keep attention, which is beneficial in studies, as well as mental calmness. To summarize, because shopping is a negative thing for us, we should attempt to restrict it to a minimum and devote time to other things that contribute significantly to our general development.
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to spend their time doing fascinating things, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become
increasingly
popular, while sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have received less attention.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
, in my opinion, has had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on life, and I have provided evidence in this essay to back up my claim.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when compared to sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has numerous drawbacks, the most serious of which is money loss.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
costs money and making it a habit is harmful in the long run. When you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
options to choose from,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can take a long time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
the ability to choose a design and color scheme,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
teaches nothing, whereas sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Sports,
on the other hand
, teaches a variety of life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these
are connected
to teamwork, decision-making improvement, and pressure management.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
attention, which is beneficial in studies,
as well
as mental calmness.

To summarize
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thing for us, we should attempt to restrict it to a minimum and devote time to other things that contribute
significantly
to our general development.
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IELTS essay Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sports and music. Do you think its a positive or negative development.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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