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Nowadays young people increasingly admire media persons and sports stars even though they don't set a good example.

In the modern era, the younger populations are having great media admiration and sport celebration although they are not perfect role models to influence others. In my opinion this could be a positive development of which is involved patterns of social behaviour and social security under circumstances. This essay will explore and discuss about these two points. To begin with, imitating famous entertainment stars might change the patterns of social behaviour and fashion. In the era of techno-savvy young populations are time consumers in either on TV or smartphone, in this case the youngers could be attracted by a new lifestyle even though it is new and not their own cultural behaviours, for example, in last five years more young Indonesians are changed their acting style by Korean Hip-Hop. In addition, sports celebration also involving into the shaping of not only healthier lifestyle and wealthy, but also charity jobs, such as donation some cash for disabilities and orphans. Sadio Mane the Senegal national football player can be a good example. His action of providing schools and hospitals for his people changes not only other football players, but also motivated young generation. Furthermore, emulating entertainment from the sport stars may give positive development to young people in discerning fake news and factual. For instance, young females in Kirgizstan in central Asia, who highly aware of message or phone call from strangers in order to avoid kidnapping, even though kidnapping is culturally legal activity in this country, yet western media stars of which is introducing about freedom of life changed the youngers to choose their partner. In conclusion, media stars and sport entertainment lead young people changing in social behaviour and security. I believe in the future youngers will be interested in becoming media presenter and professional athletes in order to be a loyal person.
In the modern era, the
younger
populations are having great
media
admiration and
sport
celebration although they are not perfect role models to influence others. In my opinion this could be a
positive
development of which
is involved
patterns of
social
behaviour
and
social
security under circumstances. This essay will explore and
discuss about these
two points.

To
begin
with, imitating
famous
entertainment
stars
might
change
the patterns of
social
behaviour
and fashion. In the era of techno-savvy
young
populations are time consumers in either on TV or smartphone,
in this case
the
youngers
could
be attracted
by a new lifestyle
even though
it is new and not their
own
cultural
behaviours
,
for example
, in last five years more
young
Indonesians are
changed
their acting style by Korean Hip-Hop.

In addition
,
sports
celebration
also
involving into the shaping of not
only
healthier lifestyle and wealthy,
but
also
charity jobs, such as donation
some
cash for disabilities and orphans.
Sadio
Mane the Senegal national football player can be a
good
example. His action of providing schools and hospitals for his
people
changes
not
only
other football players,
but
also
motivated
young
generation.

Furthermore
, emulating entertainment from the
sport
stars
may give
positive
development to
young
people
in discerning fake news and factual.
For instance
,
young
females in
Kirgizstan
in
central Asia
, who
highly
aware of message or phone call from strangers in order to avoid kidnapping,
even though
kidnapping is
culturally
legal activity in this country,
yet
western
media
stars
of which is introducing about freedom of life
changed
the
youngers
to choose their partner.

In conclusion
,
media
stars
and
sport
entertainment lead
young
people
changing in
social
behaviour
and security. I believe in the future
youngers will
be interested
in becoming
media
presenter and professional athletes in order to be a loyal person.
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IELTS essay Nowadays young people increasingly admire media persons and sports stars even though they don't set a good example.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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