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Nowadays young people are spending most of their leisure time using smartphones or tablets for entertainment purpose. Is it a positive or negative DEVELOPMENT.

Nowadays young people are spending most of their leisure time using smartphones or tablets for entertainment purpose. Is it a positive or negative DEVELOPMENT. D2ay7
In this present era, from my children to an old age everyone loves to use electronic entertainment gadgets such as Smartphone or Tablet. These have invaded the wider part of young generation spare time. I, however, believes that using gadgets has advantages such like it increases productivity and are more knowledgeable but despite this it also has a detrimental Effect on body. To begin with, younger generation are utilising broader portion of their spare time using entertainment gadgets. They used to watch Educational videos, playing mind games, visit e- learning platform and many more. this help them to enhance their skills. for example, a survey conducted by Hindustan Times in the year 2021 concluded that majority of students has developed their technical skills by e learning platform or website. in conclusion to this, this new generation is now more educated and skilled. In addition to this, operating smart Gadgets and learning through Technology increases the communication skills of a person. this makes a person confident and be able to interact with the world. for example, last year due to covid-19 I was not able to go school so I attended online classes. interaction with educator's and friends developed my communication skills. In conclusion to this example, utilising electronic item makes a person able to speak to the world. A project from another angle putting more time on electrical gadgets has an adverse effect on human body. people prefer to use gadgets while sitting for a longer period of time which makes them unfit or lazy.   utilising time on them with the higher brightness and closer to eyes lead to Vision impairment. for example, people have observed that using gadgets for a longer period results in headache  and pain in eyes. in conclusion to this example, latest technological items are deteriorating health of humans and life span. In the ultimate analysis, technological entertainment gadgets have enhance the technological and communication skills but, resulting in declining health and increasing laziness.
In this present era, from my children to an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
electronic entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
such as Smartphone or Tablet. These have invaded the wider part of young generation spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I,
however
, believes that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
has advantages such like it increases productivity and are more knowledgeable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
despite this it
also
has a detrimental Effect on body.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, younger generation are
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
broader portion of their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Educational videos, playing mind games, visit e- learning platform and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, a survey conducted by Hindustan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
in the year 2021 concluded that majority of students has developed their technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
e learning
platform or website.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion to this, this new generation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more educated and skilled.

In addition
to this, operating smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Gadgets
and learning through Technology increases the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of a person.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person confident and be able to interact with the world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, last year due to
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
I was not able to go school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I attended online classes.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
interaction
with educator's and friends developed my communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
In conclusion
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
electronic item
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person able to speak to the world.

A project from another angle putting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
has an adverse effect on human body.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
while sitting for a longer period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them unfit or lazy.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
utilising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on them with the higher brightness and closer to eyes lead to Vision impairment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have observed that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
for a longer period results in headache
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
and pain in eyes.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technological items are deteriorating health of humans and life span.

In the ultimate analysis, technological entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
have
Use past participle here: "enhanced".
enhance
the technological and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, resulting in declining health and increasing laziness.
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IELTS essay Nowadays young people are spending most of their leisure time using smartphones or tablets for entertainment purpose. Is it a positive or negative DEVELOPMENT.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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