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Nowadays, the number of obese people is seriously increasing compared to the past. This essay will discuss the major reasons for this epidemic and then describe possible effects of the problems.

Nowadays, the number of obese people is seriously increasing compared to the past. This essay will discuss the major reasons for this epidemic and then describe possible effects of the problems. gD561
In my opinion there are two main reasons for obesity. First, eating a lot of junk food like hotdogs and pizza with a diversity of sauces and drinking beverages that have high calories and sugar. According to a recent study conducted by the University of Michigan, at least 50 percent of people in America consume fast food and energy drinks. The second reason is inactivity. Which means without any physical performance during any time of day or night. For example, obese people are always driving with cars instead of doing cycling, or playing with a computer rather than an extreme sport like paragliding and deep-sea diving which can cause burning less fat and accumulating fat in all parts of the body. The possible effects of this problem include physical and mental disease. Fat can cause blocked the main arteries of heart and brain that it can due to high blood pressure or heart attack and stroke. In addition, obese persons often are suffering from stress and tiredness that can cause less communication in society and has many problems for getting a job. These people should make an effort to lose weight in order to have a better situation and life. In conclusion, todays with advance in technology and smart vehicles the number of obese people is extremely increasing. It is mainly caused by eating an unhealthy diet and inactivity every day that results in severe diseases such as heart attack, stroke, stress, and tiredness.
In my opinion there are two main reasons for obesity.
First
, eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
junk food like
Possible spelling mistake found.
hotdogs
and pizza with a diversity of sauces and drinking beverages that have high calories and sugar. According to a recent study conducted by the University of Michigan, at least 50 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in America consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and energy drinks. The second reason is inactivity. Which means without any physical performance during any time of day or night.
For example
, obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always driving with cars
instead
of
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going cycling".
doing cycling
, or playing with a computer
rather
than an extreme sport like paragliding and deep-sea diving which can cause burning less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and accumulating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in all parts of the body.

The possible effects of this problem include physical and mental disease.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Fat
can cause blocked the main arteries of heart and brain that it can due to high blood pressure or heart attack and stroke.
In addition
, obese persons
The adverb 'often' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
often are
suffering from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tiredness that can cause less communication in society and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems for getting a job. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to lose weight in order to have a better situation and life.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
with advance in technology and smart vehicles the number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
extremely
increasing. It is
mainly
caused by eating an unhealthy diet and inactivity every day that results in severe diseases such as heart attack, stroke,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and tiredness.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, the number of obese people is seriously increasing compared to the past. This essay will discuss the major reasons for this epidemic and then describe possible effects of the problems.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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