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Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development? 18eM
We live in a technology world. At the present time, people get a lot of opportunities to express their talent through the internet and TV programs. From my point of view, I think that in social media and TV shows programs people try to express their activities. Firstly, we know about our modern technology. The internet does a huge change in our daily activities. We can see that at present time young generation think about a new idea and they express their opinion, activity share on social media. Such as, think about Facebook, Instagram and YouTube, and other media. A person can easily famous by using these platforms. All over the world, many celebrity people are more popular on the internet. Sometimes a number of people use the internet in bad ways. Secondly, TV is very popular and we see TV shows popular programs. For example, a few TV channels organize events of singing, dancing programs. So that, many participates are participating in that events. Which is a huge opportunity in our life because these platforms sectors find out a popular person. Many celebrity people are more famous at that events. They shine in their life. People know them by TV shows events. To conclude, a person can easily represent by the internet and TV but it is a good idea.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a technology world. At the present time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities to express their talent through the internet and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in social media and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to express their activities.
Firstly
, we know about our modern technology. The internet does a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our daily activities. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that at present time young generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about a new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
idea and
they express their opinion, activity share on social media. Such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about Facebook, Instagram and YouTube, and other media. A person can
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
by using these platforms. All over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
on the internet.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ways.
Secondly
, TV is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
popular and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
For example
, a few TV channels organize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of singing, dancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
participates are participating in that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. Which is a huge opportunity in our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these platforms sectors find out a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
at that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. They shine in their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
know them by TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

To conclude
, a person can
easily
represent by the internet and TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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