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Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the diadvantages?

Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the diadvantages? OV2D7
Media is the powerfull tool which help to spread the happenings of any place across the world merely in a few seconds. Therefore, many nations are not differentiated with each other as it is becoming less effective because of the same media. This essay will describe the several positive effects of it over the diadvantages, in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, one of the major advantages is the equality among the population because a number of countries have large masses of people who belong to various religions however, some nations are eliminating the discrimination among castes and religions due to which the influences of these nations are being shared on media which makes other nations to imitate it. For instance, India is extremely popular country by having equal proportion of every religion and same rightd are provided to them. Moreover, the agriculture which is the only source to produce food materials have been made extremely advaced by inventing of differnt technology of different countries. Furthermore, the following of same media not only improves the connection bond among countries but it also, helps to develop the nation. On the other hand, cultures of the other nations are accepted by some people by watching serials and movies of the other nations due to which they forget own cultures and religions. For example, in Canada one-fourth proportions people use Punjabi language and clothes. Apart from it, sometimes personal information is also leaked via media cosequently, invaders can misuse it. To conclude, it is considered that an advance and develop country shares their thoughts to others because of improving skills and technology and hence media plays a vital role in this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
is the
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powerfull
tool which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to spread the happenings of any place across the world
merely
in a few seconds.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are not differentiated with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
as it is becoming less effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of it over the
Possible spelling mistake found.
diadvantages
, in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the major advantages is the equality among the population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have large masses of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who belong to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are eliminating the discrimination among castes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
due to which the influences of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are
being shared
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to imitate it.
For instance
, India is
extremely
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by having equal proportion of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
and same rightd
are provided
to them.
Moreover
, the agriculture which is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source to produce food materials have
been made
extremely
Possible spelling mistake found.
advaced
by inventing of
Possible spelling mistake found.
differnt
technology of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Furthermore
, the following of same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the connection bond among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop the nation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, cultures of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by watching serials and movies of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
due to which they forget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
.
For example
, in Canada one-fourth proportions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Punjabi language and clothes. Apart from it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
personal information is
also
leaked via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
Possible spelling mistake found.
cosequently
, invaders can misuse it.

To conclude
, it
is considered
that an advance and develop
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country
shares their thoughts to others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and technology and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
plays a vital role in this.
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IELTS essay Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the diadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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