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Describe an interesting person from history.

Describe an interesting person from history. BJ9o5
Among a host of historical figures, the one that strikes me as the most impressive must be Ho Chi Minh, who was the greatest president of VN. Born in 1890, Ho Chi Minh devoted his lifetime to find a right way to liberate Vietnamese people and reunify the country. During the six years that he spent in France (1917–23), he became an active socialist under the name Nguyen Ai Quoc. He also participated in the revolutionary movements of many peoples while making great efforts to struggle for Vietnamese independence and freedom. Ho Chi Minh was the first Vietnamese supporter of the Russian October Revolution and found Marxism-Leninism the way to liberate the working class and peoples in colonial countries. With the right approach, HCM successfully led Vietnamese people to gain independence. What I learned from him is patriotism, perseverance and intelligence. I really admire President Ho Chi Minh because he was the great master of the Vietnamese revolution, the beloved leader of the Vietnamese working class and the entire nation, an eminent soldier, a brilliant activist of the international communist and national liberation movements.
Among a host of historical figures, the one that strikes me as the most impressive
must
be Ho Chi Minh, who was the greatest president of VN. Born in 1890, Ho Chi Minh devoted his lifetime to find a right way to liberate Vietnamese
people
and reunify the country. During the six years that he spent in France (1917–23), he became an active socialist under the name Nguyen
Ai
Quoc
. He
also
participated in the revolutionary movements of
many
peoples
while making great efforts to struggle for Vietnamese independence and freedom. Ho Chi Minh was the
first
Vietnamese supporter of the Russian October Revolution and found Marxism-Leninism the way to liberate the working
class
and
peoples
in colonial countries. With the right approach,
HCM
successfully
led Vietnamese
people
to gain independence. What I learned from him is patriotism, perseverance and intelligence. I
really
admire President Ho Chi Minh
because
he was the great master of the Vietnamese revolution, the beloved leader of the Vietnamese working
class
and the entire nation, an eminent soldier, a brilliant activist of the international communist and national liberation movements.
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IELTS essay Describe an interesting person from history.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
184 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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