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Nowadays televisions show different types of advertisements which are harmful to older people let alone young children.

Nowadays televisions show different types of advertisements which are harmful to older people let alone young children. 7apGb
Nowadays televisions show different types of advertisements which are harmful to older people let alone young children. Television advertisements show bad things that young children should not be allowed to watch them. I feel this way for two important reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. Television advertisements usually show sex toys which are really bad for young children to watch them. Such kind of things should not be allowed to shown in television. My brother's experience is a compelling example what I mean. Two years ago when I lived together in a villa with my family. My parents were busy with their work from early morning until late night. My brother who was five years old started watching television programs and there were many advertisements during the TV programs. After several days, my brother started talking about sex and sex toys. When my parents asked him where did you learn these words, he replied that he learnt all these interesting words in TV advertisements. From that day my parents began to control TV advertising from us. This example shows that children should not be allowed to watch advertisement. Another popular advertisements are computer games that most of TV channels advertise. These advertisements are extremely harmful to young children. For instance, as I remember three years ago, I read a murder which happened between children in my town. It was written that one of the children watched a wide variety harmful advertisements in TV channels especially computer savage games. Watching these kind of awful advertisements one of the guys killed his brother with knife. This example demonstrates that advertisement has a negative influence for children. Taking everything mentioned above into account, I firmly conclude that television advertisement should not be allowed for children to watch them. This is because TV advertising contains bad things such as sex toys and because TV adverting shows awful things that lead children to killing.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which are harmful to older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
them. I feel this way for two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
toys which are
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
them. Such kind of things should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
Did you mean "show"?
shown
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. My brother's experience is a compelling example what I mean. Two years ago when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
together in a villa with my family. My parents were busy with their work from early morning until late night. My brother who was five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
watching
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television
programs and there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
during the TV programs. After several days, my brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
toys. When my parents asked him where did you learn these words, he replied that he
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt all
these interesting words in TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. From that day my parents began to control TV advertising from us. This example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
advertisement.

Another popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are computer games that
Consider using "most TV" or "most of the TV".
most of TV
channels advertise. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
extremely
harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, as I remember three years ago, I read a murder which happened between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in my town. It
was written
that one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a wide variety harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in TV channels
especially
computer savage games. Watching
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of awful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
one of the guys killed his brother with knife. This example demonstrates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence for children.

Taking everything mentioned above into account, I
firmly
conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
TV advertising contains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
toys and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
TV adverting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
awful things that lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to killing.
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IELTS essay Nowadays televisions show different types of advertisements which are harmful to older people let alone young children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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