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Nowadays some youth choose

Nowadays some youth choose EwD5q
Nowadays, some youth choose to take some time to travel somewhere before they begin entering work or university as an opportunity to widen their knowledge. For others this is an expensive waste of time. I agree with the opinion that it is better for people to get a job after school or go to university instead of wasting time and money to travel. On the one hand, not only travel helps people broaden their horizons. Going to work and going to university will also help people learn, expand their knowledge and practice many necessary skills for life. For instance, some young people always think that only traveling can expand their horizons. They will be surprised because going to work or going to university will also help them practice the necessary skills to solve problems. Skills such as time management skill, problem-solving skill or teamwork skill totally learnt at university or where they work without wasting money to travel. On the other hand, I believe that going to work after graduating or studying at college is more advantageous for youth. It is not necessary to waste time and money to tour. Youngsters totally spend that time and money to invest in better academics or study intensively in a profession they love. For instance, when they begin a major, some companies need their expertise about that major not knowledge or skills such as survival knowledge or how to make fire with twigs that they learned during the tour. If youngsters think that the knowledge and skills learnt while traveling will be useful for their lives, they completely can travel and study all horizons in the summer or on holiday.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "youths"?
youth
choose to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to travel somewhere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
as an opportunity to widen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. For others this is an expensive waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job after school or go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
instead
of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to travel.

On the one hand, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
broaden their horizons. Going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn, expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for life.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
traveling can expand their horizons. They will
be surprised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them practice the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to solve problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
or teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
totally
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to travel.

On the other hand
, I believe that going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after graduating or studying at college is more advantageous for youth. It is not necessary to waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to tour. Youngsters
totally
spend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to invest in better academics or study
intensively
in a profession they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
For instance
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
a major,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need their expertise about that major not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
or how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fire with twigs that they learned during the tour. If youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
while traveling will be useful for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, they completely can travel and study all horizons in the summer or on holiday.

IELTS essay Nowadays some youth choose

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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