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Nowadays schoolchildren and students are taught to be competitive towards their classmates and aren’t encouraged to help the weaker students. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays schoolchildren and students are taught to be competitive towards their classmates and aren’t encouraged to help the weaker students. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages? Jw1lw
In recent years, most of students are educated to be competitive towards between their classmates rather than encouraged to help other students who study better. I believe that it is more likely to have a detrimental impact than benefits. On the one hand, there are several benefits when teaching students about competitive towards than help weaker students. Firstly, the competition can make weaker students focus on studying to keep up with their peers in class. This means that they spend most of the time studying and doing homework instead of playing games or watching TV due to the fact that they can widen their horizons and enrich their knowledge. Secondly, the competition does not only help students study better but also brings more potential benefits in path career. For instance, they can work as much as possible with high productivity to overcome their competitors in the workplaces that help them reap the benefits and get a high position. One the other hand, I would argue that the drawbacks of the competition rather than encouraged help weaker students is eclipse than benefits. Firstly, it is very hard for students to foster their relationship and do teamwork for any assignments or presentations that were given the teacher. For instance, weaker students cannot do the best of his task without helping and guiding with other students due to the fact that the result of group is affected. Secondly, the competition in academic environment also results in more concentrate on study. This not only bring students stress and pressure but also limit them to take part in activities, which affect to allocate physical and mental health. In conclusion, I would say that the potential dangers of teaching competitive towards for students rather encouraged them help weaker students are more significant than possible benefits. This should be balance and considerable.
In recent years, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are educated
to be competitive towards between their classmates
rather
than encouraged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who study better. I believe that it is more likely to have a detrimental impact than benefits.

On the one hand, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
when teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about competitive towards than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focus on studying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with their peers in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. This means that they spend most of the time studying and doing homework
instead
of playing games or watching TV due to the fact that they can widen their horizons and enrich their knowledge.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
study better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brings more potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
in path career.
For instance
, they can work as much as possible with high productivity to overcome their competitors in the workplaces that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them reap the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high position.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, I would argue that the drawbacks of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
rather
than encouraged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is eclipse than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to foster their relationship and do teamwork for any assignments or presentations that were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the teacher.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot do the best of his task without helping and guiding with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
due to the fact that the result of group is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in academic environment
also
results in more concentrate on study. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
limit them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in activities, which affect to allocate physical and mental health.

In conclusion
, I would say that the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of teaching competitive towards for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rather
encouraged them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more significant than possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. This should be balance and considerable.
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IELTS essay Nowadays schoolchildren and students are taught to be competitive towards their classmates and aren’t encouraged to help the weaker students. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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