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Some people argue that the main problem at present is the disappearance of particular species of plants and animals, while others claim that there are more important environmental problems.

Some people argue that the main problem at present is the disappearance of particular species of plants and animals, while others claim that there are more important environmental problems. 0ExpB
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about environmental problems. Some people argue that the main problem at present is the disappearance of particular species of plants and animals, while others claim that there are more important environmental problems. I agree with the latter one, since some problems are more severe. The primary reason for the people who focus on the loss of animals and plants may be they believe the animals and plants have a significant impact on the environment, such as purifying effect on the air and conservation of the ecology. According to their views, the more species of creatures exist, the better the environment will be. Therefore, the decline of species indicates that the environment is getting worse. However, others disagree with the viewpoint above. They think there are more vital problems waiting to be solved. For instance, one of the biggest environmental problems is that our climate is becoming warmer and warmer. And it has caused the slight rise of global sea level, which will endanger humans’ survival in the future if out of control. If humans do not take any measures to avoid it, the sea will devour mainlands gradually. This is one of the most important problems we should solve. In sum, the loss of particular species of animals and plants is not the most vital problem, at least not right now. Admittedly, they have a great influence on the environment, but that does not overweigh the others that can determine survival directly. Humans should pay closer attention to more significant problems. Only in this way can we leave a fortune to the next generation.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
about environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
at present

is the disappearance of particular species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, while others claim that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. I

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter one, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are more severe.

The primary reason for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who focus on the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
may be
they believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
have a significant impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, such as purifying

effect on the air and conservation of the ecology. According to their views, the more species of creatures exist, the better the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will be.
Therefore
, the decline of species indicates that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is getting worse.

However
, others disagree with the viewpoint above. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are more vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
waiting to
be solved
.
For instance
, one of the biggest environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is that our climate is becoming warmer and warmer. And it has caused the slight rise of global sea level, which will endanger humans’ survival in the future if out of control. If humans do not take any measures to avoid it, the sea will devour mainlands
gradually
. This is one of the most

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
we should solve.

In sum, the loss of particular species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
is not the most vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, at least not right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Admittedly
, they have a great influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not

Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the others that can determine survival
directly
. Humans should pay closer attention to more significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in this way can we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a fortune to the
next
generation.
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IELTS essay Some people argue that the main problem at present is the disappearance of particular species of plants and animals, while others claim that there are more important environmental problems.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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