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Nowadays people's life is changing rapidly and as a result ,family relationships are affected.Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

Nowadays people's life is changing rapidly and as a result, family relationships are affected. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages? gGEnD
Nowadays lifestyle of individuals is changing which affects family relationships. I believe that its advantages are overlapping its disadvantages. To Commence with, there are some disadvantages. The predominant one is more use of gadgets. To explain it, children give more preference to gadgets like mobile phones, computers, tablets and so on instead of spending time with family. This behaviour really affect their bonds with their parents and also affect their health. For example, a study revealed that 60% students are not aware about their relatives because they like to spend time on gadgets rather than with family. Further shifting towards the advantages. With the change in lifestyle, people are shifting to the cities. To explicate it, in cities, they get more facilities regarding hospitals, schools and colleges. For instance a study showed that children studied in cities are more intelligent than the children studied in rural areas. Secondly, the apps like facebook, whatsapp, instagram are used by many young people. These are proving useful in interacting with those who live far from them. These helps in increasing social interaction among the people. Another apps like Amazon, flipkart provide easy access to shopping. These really help to save time as person need not to go market for shopping. For example, a survey showed that a person can save his 40% time by shop online. In conclusion, changing lifestyle is proving very useful as person gets better education facilities and easily interact with each other whereas the more use of gadgets affect the children health and their relationship with family.
Nowadays lifestyle of individuals is changing which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affects
family relationships. I believe that its advantages are overlapping its disadvantages. To Commence with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. The predominant one is more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
give more preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
like mobile phones, computers, tablets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family. This
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
their bonds with their parents and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
their health.
For example
, a study revealed that 60% students are not aware about their relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they like to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
rather
than with family.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
shifting towards the advantages. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in lifestyle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are shifting to the cities. To explicate it, in cities, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more facilities regarding hospitals, schools and colleges.
For instance
a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
studied in cities are more intelligent than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
studied in rural areas.
Secondly
, the apps like
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsapp
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. These are proving useful in interacting with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from them. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in increasing social interaction among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Another apps like Amazon,
Possible spelling mistake found.
flipkart
provide easy access to shopping. These
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as person need not
Did you mean "go"?
to go
market for shopping.
For example
, a survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that a person can save his 40%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by shop online.

In conclusion
, changing lifestyle is proving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful as person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
better education facilities and
easily
interact with each other whereas the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
health and their relationship with family.
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IELTS essay Nowadays people's life is changing rapidly and as a result, family relationships are affected. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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