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Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most time at home rather than going outdoors. Discuss the reasons, is this negative or positive development?

Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most time at home rather than going outdoors. Discuss the reasons, is this negative or positive development? nKJR
An increasing number of people stay at home these days. Although this can be caused by many personal reasons, in most cases, it is the recent advancement in technology that underlies such behaviour, shaking the previous norms of socialization. Spending the most of the time at home as a result of digitalization. Technology in today’s world has resulted in ways of being that could never have been imagined. Being digitally connected, people no longer have to step outside to explore the outside world to seek education, job opportunities or socialization as it can all be done from one’s desk. This drastic change is most evident from early childhood. When looking at the young generation they no longer spend hours riding bikes, camping in the backyard or constructing houses on trees. In stark contrast, today’s children are spending on average, 8 hours a day on the Internet, playing online games or just scrolling through social media. To realize implications of staying inside, one needs to step back to observe what people are missing out by staying indoors. One such danger is the limited face-to-face communication, which being glued to devices may cause, affecting social interaction and bonding. On a positive note, this has opened the way to transcend geographical distances in communication, which we are grappling with understanding the best way to utilize. On balance, studies are showing a decline in social skills. Another consequence tied to spending time indoors is the increased risk of obesity such a sedentary lifestyle poses. It is time spent outdoors that provides people with essential natural physical activity, thus lowering the chance of gaining weight and suffering associated chronic diseases, such as hypertension and cardio vascular diseases. In conclusion, spending most time at home interacting with one’s devices rather than going outdoors to communicate face-to-face might have a profound negative effect on socialization and physical well-being of those staying at their homes.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay at home these days. Although this can
be caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
personal reasons,
in most cases
, it is the recent advancement in technology that underlies such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, shaking the previous norms of socialization.

Spending the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home
as a result
of digitalization. Technology in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world has resulted in ways of being that could never have
been imagined
. Being
digitally
connected,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
step outside to explore the outside world to seek education, job opportunities or socialization as it can all
be done
from one’s desk. This drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is most evident from early childhood. When looking at the young generation they no longer spend hours riding bikes, camping in the backyard or constructing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
on trees. In stark contrast,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s children are spending on average, 8 hours a day on the Internet, playing online games or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
scrolling through social media.

To realize implications of staying inside, one needs to step back to observe what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are missing out by staying indoors. One such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
is the limited face-to-face communication, which
being glued
to devices may cause, affecting social interaction and bonding. On a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
note, this has opened the way to transcend geographical distances in communication, which we are grappling with understanding the best way to utilize. On balance, studies are showing a decline in social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Another consequence tied to spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
indoors is the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity such a sedentary lifestyle poses. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent outdoors that provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with essential natural physical activity,
thus
lowering the chance of gaining weight and suffering associated chronic diseases, such as hypertension and cardio vascular diseases.

In conclusion
, spending most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home interacting with one’s devices
rather
than going outdoors to communicate face-to-face might have a profound
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on socialization and physical well-being of those staying at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most time at home rather than going outdoors. Discuss the reasons, is this negative or positive development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
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Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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