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Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this has set a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this has set a bad example for young people. EAnq
In today’s media, the glitz and glamour of famous people’s lives and not the work behind their success is often in the limelight. While presenting only the glamorous side of being famous may have a negative influence, for many especially the young, however, this could be a stimulus to unleash potential in pursuit of wealth. Focusing only on the glamorous side of stardom can negatively affect youngsters’ system of values. This is because admiring wealth and material belongings promotes materialistic values without the recognition of the hard work entailed. As a result, many young people worship attributes of an idle glamorous lifestyle such as luxurious property or posh cars, not connecting such a lifestyle with the hard work essential. They merely chase after the end goal rather than understanding the importance of developing their potential on the road to success. . As a result, many youngsters waste hours in TikTok dreaming about becoming another Justin Bieber instead of studying and working hard. On the other hand, if a young person realises the amount of work stardom implies, money associated with it could be a powerful motivator. Knowing that hard work and perseverance is often financially rewarded can motivate youngsters to study and work hard. Having read, for instance, the biography of an Olympic champion, they can learn how much effort and pain often lie behind their glamorous lifestyle. As a result, aiming for such possessions, teenagers can become motivated to undergo all hardships that pave the way leading them to develop as an individual. In conclusion, I partially agree with the statement given as merely showing the fruits of one’s labour, as often is the case, may not show the reality of the sacrifice essential to such a lifestyle. However, if the degree of effort behind such glamour is understood, such stars are a good role model.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s media, the glitz and glamour of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
behind their success is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
in the limelight. While presenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
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glamorous
side of being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
especially
the young,
however
, this could be a stimulus to unleash potential in pursuit of wealth.

Focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
glamorous
side of stardom can
negatively
affect youngsters’ system of values. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
admiring wealth and material belongings promotes materialistic values without the recognition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
entailed.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worship attributes of an idle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
glamorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
such as luxurious property or posh cars, not connecting such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
essential. They
merely
chase after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
goal
rather
than understanding the importance of developing their potential on the road to success.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters waste hours in TikTok dreaming about becoming another Justin Bieber
instead
of studying and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

On the other hand
, if a young person
Possible spelling mistake. 'realises' is British English.
realises
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
stardom implies, money associated with it could be a powerful motivator. Knowing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and perseverance is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
financially
rewarded can motivate youngsters to study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. Having read,
for instance
, the biography of an Olympic champion, they can learn how much effort and pain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
lie behind their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
glamorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
As a result
, aiming for such possessions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can become motivated to undergo all hardships that pave the way leading them to develop as an individual.

In conclusion
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as
merely
showing the fruits of one’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
is the case, may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the reality of the sacrifice essential to such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
However
, if the degree of effort behind such glamour
is understood
, such stars are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role model.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this has set a bad example for young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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