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nowadays people are more willing to help people they don't know than they were in the past

nowadays people are more willing to help people they don't know than they were in the past VwXkK
Some people say that nowadays people are more willing to help people they don't know than they were in the past. Regarding this, I agree with two different reasons. First, people became more wealthy than the past so they can afford to help others. In the past, people's average wealth level was low and there were few people who were willing to help others. This is because it was already hard to care about themselves. However, many people now earn enough money to support their life and even more than. Thus the number of people who want to help others is gradually increasing. My personal experience can shed lucid light on this. When I was young, my parents didn't have enough money to live conveniently. So they were always busy as they had to make money and of course, they couldn't help any other. However, now my family's financial condition has become pretty good and we can spend some money for others. Consequently, my parents start to donate to UNICEF for African children. Second, people's thinking have changed over time. Compared to the past when they only focus on their own life, people now consider 'we'. This change is arisen from several problem at the past. At that time, people didn't care about others and only looked forward to their advantages. Hence, there were so many accident such as suicides or starving to death. My father's case can be a good example for this. When he was young, there are so many homeless people on the road and almost of them starved to death. Nevertheless, Nobody decided to care and help them to come back their society because many people just focus on their life. On the contrary, nowadays there are still many homeless people but there are also many caring services. In my local town, many homeless people can get a meal in the homeless caring center and they can get a education for getting a job if they want. This change clearly shows that people's thinking has changed to more consider others. Admittedly, someone might think differently from my opinion. However, considering the aforementioned rationale, I conclude that people today are more willing to help people they don't know than they were in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
say that nowadays
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people
are more willing to
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help
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people
they don't know than they were in the
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past
. Regarding this, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with two
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different
reasons.

First
,
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people
became more wealthy than the
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past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can afford to
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help
others. In the
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past
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's average wealth level was low and there were few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to care about themselves.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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money
to support their life and even more than.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others is
gradually
increasing. My personal experience can shed lucid light on this. When I was young, my parents didn't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
conveniently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they were always busy as they had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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money
and
of course
, they couldn't
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help
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
my family's financial condition has become pretty
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
good and
we can spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for others.
Consequently
, my parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to donate to UNICEF for African children.

Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thinking have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over time. Compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
consider 'we'. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is arisen
from
Possible agreement error. The noun problem seems to be countable; consider using: "several problems".
several problem
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. At that time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
didn't care about others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
looked forward to their advantages.
Hence
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun accident seems to be countable; consider using: "many accidents".
many accident
such as suicides or starving to death. My father's case can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for this. When he was young, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the road and almost of them starved to death.
Nevertheless
, Nobody decided to care and
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help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back their society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on their life.
On the contrary
, nowadays there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
caring services. In my local town,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a meal in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
caring
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
center and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
education for getting a job if they want. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thinking has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to more consider others.

Admittedly
, someone might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
from my opinion.
However
, considering the aforementioned rationale, I conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are more willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they don't know than they were in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
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IELTS essay nowadays people are more willing to help people they don't know than they were in the past

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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