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Nowadays people are less fit and healthy than they were in the past, which could affect their long term health. Why do you think this is? What can be done to solve this problem?

Nowadays people are less fit and healthy than they were in the past, which could affect their long term health. Why do you think this is? What can be done to solve this problem? 6xLN3
In recent years, people have become less active and which resulted into unhealthy lifestyle. This is owning to work more as well as unhealthy diet consumption by masses which can lead to severe health issues like fatigue. This can be prevented by addressing on exercise and food habits of people. To commence with, people are tend to be unhealthy and unfit because of their hectic schedules which demands more work from them. This is because of world is becoming more competitive day by day and to sustain themselves, they have to pull all the efforts into their work. Otherwise, there are high chances of demotion or others can outsmart them and that can cost them their job. In order to cope with this competitive environment, they have to work from dawn to dusk which imbalances their healthy diet. Such situation demands lesser time that can be spared for their own routine and owing to this, fast food and junk food have become a trend in our lifestyle. Over consumption of these fast foods can lead to malnutrition and unexpected infirmities of body that can result into chronic diseases like fatigue and cholesterol. For example, one study showed that people have become less immune to diseases, because of spike in fast-food consumption in recent years. Paradoxically, these woes need to be addressed in order to stay immune for longer time. Humankind has to adopt a lifestyle, which balances their professional as well as personal life. This balance could aid them to handle the situation in healthy manner and in order to achieve it one has to indulge into meditation and home workout. This can help one to alleviate the mental stress and help to build mental and physical strength which mitigate the issue of fatigue. Also, educating people about detrimental impact of junk food consumption on human health can also curtail the woes of overindulgence. Providing information of merits of organic and traditional food helps people to adopt healthy lifestyle. Moreover, people should be given understanding on the importance of nutrients and minerals in human body which they get from healthy home cooked food. To cite an example, one of the researches has revealed that, people who perform daily exercise and eat healthy diet have higher longevity than their counterparts. To reiterate, in the race of competition, folks do neglect the importance of health and the factors which are paramount to avoid health issues. However, with the incorporation of little exercise in daily routine and eating clean and healthy nutritional foods can help people to overcome the issue.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become less active and which resulted into unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. This
The verb 'owning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is owning
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as unhealthy diet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
by masses which can lead to severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
like fatigue. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by addressing on exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are tend to be unhealthy and unfit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their hectic schedules which demands more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of world is becoming more competitive day by day and to sustain themselves, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pull all the efforts into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Otherwise
, there are high chances of demotion or others can outsmart them and that can cost them their job. In order to cope with this competitive environment, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from dawn to dusk which imbalances their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet. Such situation demands lesser time that can
be spared
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
routine and owing to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have become a trend in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can lead to malnutrition and unexpected infirmities of body that can result into chronic diseases like fatigue and cholesterol.
For example
, one study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become less immune to diseases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of spike in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in recent years.

Paradoxically
, these woes need to
be addressed
in order to stay immune for longer time. Humankind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
adopt a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, which balances their professional
as well
as personal life. This balance could aid them to handle the situation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
manner and in order to achieve it one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
indulge into meditation and home workout. This can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
one to alleviate the mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to build mental and physical strength which mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of fatigue.
Also
, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about detrimental impact of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
on human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
can
also
curtail the woes of overindulgence. Providing information of merits of organic and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to adopt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
understanding on the importance of nutrients and minerals in human body which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
home cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To cite an example, one of the researches has revealed that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who perform daily exercise and eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet have higher longevity than their counterparts.

To reiterate, in the race of competition, folks do neglect the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and the factors which are paramount to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
However
, with the incorporation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
exercise in daily routine and eating clean and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nutritional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays people are less fit and healthy than they were in the past, which could affect their long term health. Why do you think this is? What can be done to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
427 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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