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NOWADAYS PEOPLE ARE IMMIGRATING TO DEVELOPED WORLD. DISCUSS ITS REASONS AND STATE ITS CONSEQUENCES

NOWADAYS PEOPLE ARE IMMIGRATING TO DEVELOPED WORLD. DISCUSS ITS REASONS AND STATE ITS CONSEQUENCES GMD9x
IMMIGRATION HAS BECOME A COMMON PHENOMENON NOWADAYS AS SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM DEVELOPING COUNTRIES ARE MIGRATING TO INDUSTRIALISED WORLD SUCH AS GERMANY, CANADA, AND USA. THIS REPORT WILL ADDRESS CAUSES ALONG WITH CONSEQUENECES OF SUCH BORDER CROSSING. FIRST OF ALL, PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR MOTHERLAND MAINLY BECAUSE OF THEIR STRONG DESIRE OF BETTER LIVING STANDARD AS WELL AS IMPROVED WORK-LIFE BALANCE. RESULTANTLY, PEOPLE TRY TO ENTER EUROPE IN MULTIFARIOUS WAYS EVEN BY CROSSING MEDITERRAIN SEA, AND OBVIOUSLY SUCH OCCURANCE WILL UPSHOT THE INFLUX OF PEOPLE IN DEVELOPED COUNTRIES, WHICH SUFFER BADLY FROM DEMOGRAPHIC CRISIS. FOR INSTANCE, RECENTLY, SEVERAL COUNTRIES, GERMANY, CANADA, HAVE INTRODUCED POLICIES WITH A VIEW TO ATTRACTING SKILLED LABOUR FORCE ALONG WITH MERITORIOUS STUDENTS IN THEIR LAND. SUCH STANCE DEFINITELY ELUCIDATES THAT exodus IS NOT A BLESSING FOR THEM. MOREOVER, SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE FORCED TO LEAVE THEIR COUNTRY BEHIND BECAUSE OF WAR, EXTREME POVERTY AS WELL AS POLITICAL CRISIS. FOR EXAMPLE, A NUMEROUS NUMBER OF RESIDENTS OF WAR TORN AREA, SYRIA, TUNISIA, SOUTH SUDAN HAS UNDERTAKEN SEVERAL MEANS IN ORDER TO DESERT THEIR BIRTHPLACE AND REACH A COUNTRY WITH A STRONG ECONOMY ESPECIALLY ENGLAND, PORTUGAL, ITALY AND SO ON. CONSEQUENTLY, NO MEASURE EXCEPT ENDING OF WAR WILL DISSUADES THIS PEOPLE FROM DOING THIS DAUNTING TASK. ON THE OTHER HAND, migration HAS SEVERAL PITFALLS TOO AS THESE MASSES MOSTLY WITH IMPROPER COMMUNICATION SKILL COULD NOT AFFORD A JOB, AND AS A RESULT THEY ENGAGE THEMSELVES IN ANTI SOCIAL ACTIVITIES SUCH AS THEFT, PICKPOCKETING, AND BURGLERY. BESIDES, FEEDING THIS EXTRA POPULATION ACTS LIKE A BURDEN ON HOST COUNTRY PROVIDED THAT THEY MAINTAIN REFUGEE CAMP. FOR EXAMPLE, IN ORDER TO FEED ROHINGA PEOPLE IN BANGALDESH, AUTHORITY SPENT A VAST SUM OF MONEY. ADDITIVELY, THIS COMMUNITY ENGAGE THEM IN SEVERAL TYPES OF ILLICIT ACTIVITIES SUCH AS DRUG TRAFFICKING, RAPE, MURDER ETC. IN CONCLUSION, INTERNATIONAL COMMUNTIY ALONG WITH CONGLOMERATES SUCH AS UN, UNHCR SHOULD IMPLEMENT PRGMATIC STEPS WITH A VIEW TO PUTTING AN END TO THIS CRISIS. WITHOUT PARTICIPATION OF ALL, THIS PREDICAMENT CAN NOT BE CURED.
IMMIGRATION HAS BECOME A COMMON PHENOMENON NOWADAYS AS SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
FROM DEVELOPING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
ARE MIGRATING TO
Possible spelling mistake. 'INDUSTRIALISED' is British English.
INDUSTRIALISED
WORLD SUCH AS GERMANY, CANADA, AND USA. THIS REPORT WILL ADDRESS CAUSES ALONG WITH
Possible spelling mistake found.
CONSEQUENECES
OF SUCH BORDER CROSSING.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
FIRST OF ALL
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LEAVE
THEIR MOTHERLAND
MAINLY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THEIR STRONG DESIRE OF BETTER LIVING STANDARD
AS WELL
AS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IMPROVED
WORK-LIFE BALANCE.
RESULTANTLY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TRY TO ENTER EUROPE IN MULTIFARIOUS WAYS EVEN BY CROSSING
Possible spelling mistake found.
MEDITERRAIN
SEA, AND
OBVIOUSLY
SUCH
Possible spelling mistake found.
OCCURANCE
WILL UPSHOT THE INFLUX OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
IN DEVELOPED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
, WHICH SUFFER
BADLY
FROM DEMOGRAPHIC CRISIS.
FOR INSTANCE
, RECENTLY, SEVERAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
, GERMANY, CANADA, HAVE INTRODUCED POLICIES WITH A VIEW TO ATTRACTING SKILLED
Possible spelling mistake. 'LABOUR' is British English.
LABOUR
FORCE ALONG WITH MERITORIOUS STUDENTS IN THEIR LAND. SUCH STANCE DEFINITELY ELUCIDATES THAT exodus IS NOT A BLESSING FOR THEM.

MOREOVER
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SOMETIMES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ARE FORCED
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LEAVE
THEIR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRY
BEHIND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF WAR, EXTREME POVERTY
AS WELL
AS POLITICAL CRISIS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, A NUMEROUS NUMBER OF RESIDENTS OF WAR TORN AREA, SYRIA, TUNISIA, SOUTH SUDAN HAS UNDERTAKEN SEVERAL MEANS IN ORDER TO DESERT THEIR BIRTHPLACE AND REACH A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRY
WITH A STRONG ECONOMY
ESPECIALLY
ENGLAND, PORTUGAL, ITALY AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
ON.
CONSEQUENTLY
, NO MEASURE EXCEPT ENDING OF WAR WILL
The verb 'WILL' requires the base form of the verb: "dissuade"
DISSUADES
THIS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
FROM DOING THIS DAUNTING TASK.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, migration HAS SEVERAL PITFALLS TOO AS THESE MASSES
MOSTLY
WITH IMPROPER COMMUNICATION
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SKILL
COULD NOT AFFORD A JOB, AND
AS A RESULT
THEY ENGAGE THEMSELVES IN
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
ANTI SOCIAL
ACTIVITIES SUCH AS THEFT,
Possible spelling mistake found.
PICKPOCKETING
, AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
BURGLERY
.
BESIDES
, FEEDING THIS EXTRA POPULATION ACTS LIKE A BURDEN ON HOST
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRY
PROVIDED THAT THEY MAINTAIN REFUGEE CAMP.
FOR EXAMPLE
, IN ORDER TO FEED
Possible spelling mistake found.
ROHINGA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
BANGALDESH
, AUTHORITY SPENT A VAST SUM OF MONEY.
ADDITIVELY
, THIS COMMUNITY ENGAGE THEM IN SEVERAL TYPES OF ILLICIT ACTIVITIES SUCH AS DRUG TRAFFICKING, RAPE, MURDER ETC.

IN CONCLUSION
, INTERNATIONAL
Possible spelling mistake found.
COMMUNTIY
ALONG WITH CONGLOMERATES SUCH AS UN, UNHCR SHOULD IMPLEMENT
Possible spelling mistake found.
PRGMATIC
STEPS WITH A VIEW TO PUTTING AN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
END
TO THIS CRISIS. WITHOUT PARTICIPATION OF ALL, THIS PREDICAMENT CAN NOT
BE CURED
.
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IELTS essay NOWADAYS PEOPLE ARE IMMIGRATING TO DEVELOPED WORLD. DISCUSS ITS REASONS AND STATE ITS CONSEQUENCES

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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