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SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT CHILDREN'S LEISURE ACTIVITIES MUST BE EDUCATIONAL, OTHERWISE THEY ARE A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT CHILDREN'S LEISURE ACTIVITIES MUST BE EDUCATIONAL, OTHERWISE THEY ARE A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. RNDnG
Some individuals think the kids must involved in such activities in spare time, which promote their education, while others believe if it is not informative it's just futile. This essay disagrees with this trend because children need refreshment and joy, which they get from their own choice, not only with informative things. To commence with, in free day kids should be given chance to involve in the types of activities which assists them to be happy and satisfied. For instance, a recent survey concluded that the kids become satisfied playing computer games and race on television. So, every second they do not have to do the things which enhance their knowledge, but they should be happy to refresh their attention and mood. Moreover, in the spare time they need some recreational activities to give them glee such as playing with the parents or friends together. That's why for the happiness and their enjoyment, it's not obligatory that at a leisure moment they have to indulge in the things which informative for them. However, in other hand, some people believe that if offsprings get participation in those activities which doesn't provide them any informative things at leisure season, it just extravagant. They think this because they might think the utilising leisure point in educational purpose aids them to oscillate their knowledge and keep their brain up to date. For example, making children doing drawing in free moment will assist them to be more creative and enhance their skills. But, in my opinion, even this is useful, it's not possible for them to make their brain active all the moments. So, they need some spare second for making their perception fresh and happy rather indulging in educative things. To sum up, even though some people think in free season offsprings should involved in activity to enhance their knowledge, in my opinion rather than that, kids need refreshment and amusement so they should engage in those things which make them happy and wind their mentality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
involved in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in spare time, which promote their education, while others believe if it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
futile. This essay disagrees with this trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
refreshment and joy, which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
things.

To commence with, in free day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chance to involve in the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which assists them to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and satisfied.
For instance
, a recent survey concluded that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
become satisfied playing computer games and race on television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, every second they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do the things which enhance their knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
to refresh their attention and mood.
Moreover
, in the spare time they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to give them glee such as playing with the parents or friends together. That's why for the happiness and their enjoyment, it's not obligatory that at a leisure moment they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
indulge in the things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
for them.

However
, in other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that if
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
participation in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which doesn't provide them any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
things at leisure season,
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
extravagant. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
leisure point in educational purpose aids them to oscillate their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their brain up to date.
For example
, making children
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going drawing".
doing drawing
in free moment will assist them to be more creative and enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion, even this is useful, it's not possible for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their brain active all the moments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spare second for making their perception fresh and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
rather
indulging in educative things.

To sum up,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in free season
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "involve"
involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
to enhance their knowledge, in my opinion
rather
than that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
refreshment and amusement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should engage in those things which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and wind their mentality.

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT CHILDREN'S LEISURE ACTIVITIES MUST BE EDUCATIONAL, OTHERWISE THEY ARE A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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