Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of health and health care cost

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of health and health care cost LrD83
It is being said that the rate at which children are becoming obese is growing and this could lead to a variety of issues that may affect their health and medical expenses when they become adults. The cause of this problem may be constant consumption of fast foods which could be rectified by introducing healthy diets to the young ones. Unhealthy eating has become a norm in the society where every family is seen to consume fast food several times in a week. Regardless, of the effect of processed foods, parents are too busy with work and they always resort to it to save time and energy. The effect of their nonchalant action on their children’s health could be the result of the increasing number of overweight youngsters. For instance, a survey taken by the National Health Service in England in December 2019, found out that 45percent of young ones that were overweight or had other health risk was because of constant consumption of fatty foods, thereby leading to frequent deaths and disabilities of the children. Therefore, I believe that the root of obesity could be due to unhealthy eating practice. On the other hand, the solution to this drawback could be introducing healthy diets to the young ones. Encouraging children to eat the right proportion of fruits and vegetable in their daily meals could enhance their health and reduce illnesses associated with devouring fatty foods. For example, it is seen in schools all over UAE, where the school authorities make strict rules about the kind of food parents give to their little one for Lunch, they insist on giving the little ones a balanced meal and failure to co-operate may attract a fine which must be paid by their guardians. This has led to an increase in healthy eating patterns, strong and vibrant youngsters. Consequently, eating a balanced diet could be the major solution in preventing excess fat in growing children. In conclusion, I believe the major problem for the increasing number of fat children is because of unhealthy eating practices, and a remedy to this obstacle is to encourage the little ones to consume healthy foods in the right proportion thus maintaining healthy habits and preventing illnesses that could arise from unhealthy diets.
It is
being said
that the rate at which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming obese is growing and this could lead to a variety of issues that may affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and medical expenses when they become adults. The cause of this problem may be constant consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which could
be rectified
by introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diets to the young ones.

Unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
has become a norm in the society where every family is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
several times in a week. Regardless, of the effect of processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, parents are too busy with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they always resort to it to save time and energy. The effect of their nonchalant action on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
could be the result of the increasing number of overweight youngsters.
For instance
, a survey taken by the National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Service in England in December 2019, found out that 45percent of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that were overweight or had other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of constant consumption of fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, thereby leading to frequent deaths and disabilities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, I believe that the root of obesity could be due to unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
practice.

On the other hand
, the solution to this drawback could be introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diets to the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to eat the right proportion of fruits and vegetable in their daily meals could enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
illnesses associated with devouring fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in schools all
A determiner is probably missing here: "over the UAE".
over UAE
, where the school authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
about the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
parents give to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one for Lunch, they insist on giving the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
a balanced meal and failure to co-operate may attract a fine which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be paid
by their guardians. This has led to an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
patterns, strong and vibrant youngsters.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
a balanced diet could be the major solution in preventing excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in growing children.

In conclusion
, I believe the major problem for the increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
practices, and a remedy to this obstacle is to encourage the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in the right proportion
thus
maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habits and preventing illnesses that could arise from unhealthy diets.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of health and health care cost

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts