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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed,what is the reason For doing this? It is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed, what is the reason For doing this? It is a positive or negative development? mlgA
Parents insists their children to focus on their education in order to be a good memeber of the society. The knowledge that is inculcated is useful to shape their career. But in my opinion it is a negative development to force their adolescent to concentrate only on the particular goal. However, parents feel concentrating on their career will help their child be on a good line and to be a good part of the nation. The knowledge that the student gained are preserved well till the end. They will be appreciated by the neighbours following by the society on their achievement. Although it is indispensable to achieve their goal, putting the kid under pressure will negatively impact them. Always forcing their children to get involved in studying will end up on not having many friends. However, it will take ecstatic and exhilarating life away from them. Besides they will not have any basic awareness people and society running through. Though they lack in priorities, also makes them feel uncomfortable to be exposed themselves to the different types of people outside. This lead to develop introvert type of characteristics in them. So, they suffer mentally. To recapitulate, the exposure of children to pressure in order to get succeed. It leads to feel ill psychologically and deteriorate them.
Parents insists
their children to focus on their education in order to be a
good
memeber
of the society. The knowledge that
is inculcated
is useful to shape their career.
But
in my opinion it is a
negative
development to force their adolescent to concentrate
only
on the particular goal.

However
, parents feel concentrating on their career will
help
their child be on a
good
line and to be a
good
part of the nation. The knowledge that the student gained
are preserved
well till the
end
. They will
be appreciated
by the
neighbours
following by the society on their achievement.

Although it is indispensable to achieve their goal, putting the kid under pressure will
negatively
impact them. Always forcing their children to
get
involved in studying will
end
up on not having
many
friends.
However
, it will take ecstatic and exhilarating life away from them.
Besides
they will not have any basic awareness
people
and society running through. Though they lack in priorities,
also
makes
them feel uncomfortable to
be exposed
themselves to the
different
types of
people
outside. This lead to develop introvert type of characteristics in them.
So
, they suffer mentally.

To recapitulate, the exposure of children to pressure in order to
get
succeed. It leads to feel ill
psychologically
and deteriorate them.
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IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed, what is the reason For doing this? It is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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