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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed.What is reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development dmM7
In these days, parents force children to become settle down in their life as soon as possible. In my opinion, we are moving towards a negative development rather than positive. Reason behind these enforcement includes obsession for children and comparison. Parents want that their children should have a better life, jobs even without any extra efforts over any other child who have actual capabilities for these jobs. Furthermore, they always compare their children with others without accepting the fact that all child have their own strength and weakness. Due to these pressures, children are being fogotten their passion or they are in pressure to forget all their core competencies. Moreover, suicide cases and mental illness are also increasing in adults due to these pressures beacuse young minds are not mature enough for failures and rejection again and again. On the other hand, parents feel disappointment due to access expectations from their kids. Hence, it will be leading to negative development for children, parents and society as well.
In these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become settle down in their life as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. In my opinion, we are moving towards a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

Reason behind
Did you mean "this enforcement" or "these enforcements"?
these enforcement
includes obsession for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and comparison.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
want that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have a better life, jobs even without any extra efforts over any other child who have actual capabilities for these jobs.
Furthermore
, they always compare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with others without accepting the fact that all child have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
strength and weakness. Due to these pressures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are being
Possible spelling mistake found.
fogotten
their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
passion or
they are
The usual collocation for "in" is "under" not "". Did you mean "under pressure"?
in pressure
to forget all their core competencies.
Moreover
, suicide cases and mental illness are
also
increasing in adults due to these pressures
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
young minds are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for failures and rejection again and again.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel disappointment due to access expectations from their kids.
Hence
, it will be leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and society
as well
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
167 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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