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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? (Reported 2017, Academic Test)

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? (Reported 2017, Academic Test) N52W
Many parents want their children to become successful individuals in the future. They claim that the best way to achieve this is by enforcing children to study. In my opinion, this is a negative development that has an underlying factor causing it, which I will list in the paragraphs below. The major reason why parents put much efforts to make their off springs succeed is to help them survive in adult's life. As it is known, adult people endeavor to work hard and achieve self-improvement to show off their abilities and qualities to confront job competition. Parents, aiming to provide the youth with future job prospects, give them to many out-of-school activities such as mathematics or music classes. For instance, I have English and math courses three times a week. Apart from this, I do also visit gym and kickboxing. Nevertheless, I believe that this development is disadvantageous, for children are exposed to much stress. This is because they are prone to become fatigued by lucubrating daily. For example, my sister is a bookworm and she peruses every book sitting till the midnight. As a result, she always looks tired and exhausted. Another reason of why this is negative of too much pressure is a risk to lose motivation to study. That is to say, studies start to harass scholars so that they give up studying. To illustrate, many American teenagers quit schools to have freedom and derive from the burden of education. In conclusion, parents frequently overestimate abilities of their off springs. While happens mainly because of the future occupation, this also entails stress-related issues as well as loss of incentive to receive qualified education. From ma point of view, adults should understand what they are doing with their children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become successful individuals in the future. They claim that the best way to achieve this is by enforcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development that has an underlying factor causing it, which I will list in the paragraphs below.

The major reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their off springs succeed is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them survive in adult's life. As it
is known
, adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
endeavor to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and achieve self-improvement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their abilities and qualities to confront job competition.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
, aiming to provide the youth with future job prospects, give them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
out-of-school activities such as mathematics or music classes.
For instance
, I have English and math courses three times a week. Apart from this, I do
also
visit gym and kickboxing.

Nevertheless
, I believe that this development is disadvantageous, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are exposed
Did you mean "too"?
to
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are prone to become fatigued by lucubrating daily.
For example
, my sister is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bookworm and
she peruses every book sitting till the midnight.
As a result
, she always looks tired and exhausted.

Another reason of why this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
of too much pressure is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to lose motivation to study.
That is
to say, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to harass scholars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they give up studying. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
quit schools to have freedom and derive from the burden of education.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
frequently
overestimate abilities of their off springs. While happens
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the future occupation, this
also
entails
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related issues
as well
as loss of incentive to receive qualified education. From ma point of view, adults should understand what they are doing with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.

IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? (Reported 2017, Academic Test)

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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