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Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.1

Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1
In abroad, the education system is more advanced, there are many things to learn for the student so in present parents are allow to their children to travel to foreign for educational purposes. But in which advantages are weigh over the disadvantages. It will further explained in upcoming paragraphs. To begin, there are some advantages of education trip. First is students are gaining the enough information about study like which kind of study is given by teachers to their students in other countries. After this students also check their study level to compare with forieger students. However, they learn what kind of life style and teaching style are there. Moreover they gain practical knowledge which are given in abroad because the technology is very advanced and institutes they used high tech machines or equipments. even though student can compare the way of teaching which are given in their country. On the other hand, there are less disadvantages of educational trip are some children they left thir trip and ran away ad did not come back to their home and they lived in abroad illegly or one or two both them are go to their relatives without permissoin and that type of problem are faced by the management. It concluded that, the trip of education purposes are good for those student who are interested to gain extra knowledge.
In abroad, the education system is more advanced, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to learn for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in present parents are
Consider using a past participle here: "allowed".
allow
to their children to travel to foreign for educational purposes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in which advantages are weigh over the disadvantages. It will
further
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "explain"
explained
in upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
.
First
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are gaining the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information about study like which kind of study is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by teachers to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in other countries.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their study level to compare with
Possible spelling mistake found.
forieger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, they learn what kind of life style and teaching style are there.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they gain practical knowledge which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in abroad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the technology is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advanced and institutes they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
high tech machines or equipments.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
even
though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can compare the way of teaching which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in their country.

On the other hand
, there are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun disadvantages is countable.
less
disadvantages of educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
Possible spelling mistake found.
thir
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
and ran away ad did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in abroad
Possible spelling mistake found.
illegly
or one or two both them are
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
to their relatives without
Possible spelling mistake found.
permissoin
and that type of problem
are faced
by the management.

It concluded
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
of education purposes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who
are interested
to gain extra knowledge.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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