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Nowadays parents are allowing the children unsupervised use of internet and mobile phone. What problem does it cause and what can be done to solve these problem?

Nowadays parents are allowing the children unsupervised use of internet and mobile phone. What problem does it cause and what can be done to solve these problem? B21d
In present time parents allow their children with unruled use of devices and internet. The major problem that arise is health problem and the most viable solution could be limiting hours of usage of internet and tracking children's activities. The major problem seen in children because of unsupervised use of internet and mobile phone is health related problems. That is to say many children suffer from different health issues like eye strain, blurring of vision, mental problems like frustration and so on. Furthermore, playing lot of videogame on internet can make children short tempered. For instance, according to ZEE TV, a boy mudered his father for not giving him to play PUBG mobile on his phone in 2019 in Gujrat in India The viable solution for this problem could be limiting usage of internet and tracking the activities of children. In other words, many softwares are available for monitaring the activities of children and also could limit the use of intenet. In this case, Qustodio, an app available on smart phone can track every activities of children and notifies patents if any unknown activities is done by them. In conclusion, the major problem of unsupervised use of internet can be health issuses and the most viable solution could be tracking unknown activities of children using different apps available in internet. It is predicted that in future if such problem arise the above mentioned solution is highly recommended.
In present time parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
unruled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of devices and internet. The major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that arise is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and the most viable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
could be limiting hours of usage of internet and tracking children's activities.

The major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unsupervised
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet and mobile phone is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
That is
to say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues like eye strain, blurring of vision, mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like frustration and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
, playing lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogame
on internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
short tempered.
For instance
, according to ZEE TV, a boy
Possible spelling mistake found.
mudered
his father for not giving him to play PUBG mobile on his phone in 2019 in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gujrat
in India

The viable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could be limiting usage of internet and tracking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
are available for
Possible spelling mistake found.
monitaring
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
could limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
intenet
.
In this case
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Qustodio
, an app available on smart phone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "activity"?
activities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and notifies patents if any unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is done
by them.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of unsupervised
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
issuses
and the most viable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
could be tracking unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
apps available in internet. It
is predicted
that in future if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
arise the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is
highly
recommended.
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IELTS essay Nowadays parents are allowing the children unsupervised use of internet and mobile phone. What problem does it cause and what can be done to solve these problem?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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