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Nowadays movies and computer games containing violence are very popular. Some people believe that they have negative effect on the society and should be banned, others, however, believe that it is harmless entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays movies and computer games containing violence are very popular. Some people believe that they have negative effect on the society and should be banned, others, however, believe that it is harmless entertainment. WmJma
Movies and computer games are more famous for containing attack in the recent times. One group argue that those games and movie have some drawback which impact on society and should be banned; whereas, a few others believe that they are just intensity enjoyment. Therefore, ahead of my preference, both the points discussed further before reaching my logical conclusion. On the one side of view is that some of the sense of the movies or web series are not banned by the cencers so it is directly effect on society to do something a negative act. For instance, in the movie, villain always take drugs and smoke which is effect on adult generation. Moreover, computer games could harm our eyes if we play continuous hours without taking break and also Sometimes it occurs health related issues. On the other side, films and computer games are just for a fun. If we tried our continuous hours of work or study so it is best time for a relexation. Also, for this activity we can spend our quality time with our friends and family. Some movies are based on our real life or our culture so it will give strong message to society. In addition, children are more active if they play more mind games and puzzle games on a computer. In this way their mind become more active or they could do any happen in their future’s life. In conclusion, I am personally believe that movies and computer games are just for fun but government should take responsibilities to cut down adult sense from a movie or banned such a games which effect on society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movies
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for containing attack in the recent times. One group argue that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback which impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and should
be banned
; whereas, a few others believe that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
intensity enjoyment.
Therefore
, ahead of my preference, both the points discussed
further
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching my logical conclusion.

On the one side of view is that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
sense of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or web series are not banned by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
cencers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
directly
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to do something a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
act.
For instance
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
, villain always take drugs and smoke which is effect on adult generation.
Moreover
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could harm our eyes if we play continuous hours without taking break and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it occurs health related issues.

On the other side, films and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for a fun. If we tried our continuous hours of work or study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
time for a
Possible spelling mistake found.
relexation
.
Also
, for this activity we can spend our quality time with our friends and family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are based
on our real life or our culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will give strong message to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
In addition
, children are more active if they play more mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and puzzle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on a computer. In this way their mind become more
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
active or
they could do any happen in their future’s life.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, I am
personally
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for fun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take responsibilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down adult sense from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
or banned such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays movies and computer games containing violence are very popular. Some people believe that they have negative effect on the society and should be banned, others, however, believe that it is harmless entertainment.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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