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Nowadays, most people worry about over-population and living in crowded cities. However, it is predicted that we will have the opposite problem by the year 2030 when one third of the population will be aged 65 or over and birth rates are predicted to decline. What effect will this have on our society?

Nowadays, most people worry about over-population and living in crowded cities. However, it is predicted that we will have the opposite problem by the year 2030 when one third of the population will be aged 65 or over and birth rates are predicted to decline. What effect will this have on our society? OEbdE
By 2030 the percentage of the population aged 65 or older will have risen significantly, to more than 30%. This means that fewer people will be working, and therefore fewer people will be paying income tax. In the future it may be necessary for governments to increase the official retirement age to 70 or even older. When today’s 30-year-olds are in their sixties it is unlikely that they will enjoy the relaxed lifestyle that todays older generation can expect when they give up work. Governments will therefore need to make sure that this older generation is healthy and fit enough to continue working. However, I believe the biggest impact will be on the younger generation. In 2030 the younger generation will need to work much harder to support the large number of older people. If this trend continues then it is possible that our entire culture will change. For example, most marketing companies today try to target the younger generation with their products and advertisements. If the majority of the population is older then this will change and companies will begin to target the older generation instead. So, what can be done now to prevent these problems? Firstly, I believe that governments of developed countries should find ways to encourage people to have larger families and increase the birth rate. Secondly, I believe that they should encourage migration from developing countries so that the problems of over-crowding can be solved.
By 2030 the percentage of the population aged 65 or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
will have risen
significantly
, to more

than 30%. This means that fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be working, and
therefore
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be paying

income tax. In the future it may be necessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to increase the official retirement

age to 70 or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s 30-year-olds are in their sixties it is unlikely that they will

enjoy the relaxed lifestyle that todays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
when they give up work.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
will
therefore
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation is healthy and fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough


to continue working.

However
, I believe the biggest impact will be on the younger generation. In 2030 the younger

generation will need to work much harder to support the large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If this trend

continues then it is possible that our entire culture will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For example
, most marketing

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
try to target the younger generation with their products and advertisements. If

the majority of the population is
Did you mean "older than"?
older then
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to target the

older generation
instead
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, what can
be done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these problems?
Firstly
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
should find ways to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have larger families and increase the

birth rate.
Secondly
, I believe that they should encourage migration from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so


that the problems of over-crowding can
be solved
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, most people worry about over-population and living in crowded cities. However, it is predicted that we will have the opposite problem by the year 2030 when one third of the population will be aged 65 or over and birth rates are predicted to decline. What effect will this have on our society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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