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Nowadays, most children do not want to choose a healthy life compared to past.

Nowadays, most children do not want to choose a healthy life compared to past. Kwk5w
Nowadays, most children do not want to choose a healthy life compared to past. I believe that education directors also children’s family are much care about this vital situation. In my opinion, parents must take much more precautions to solve this big problem. For instance, families should give some advices for children to do exercise. When they are at home, parents can ban to using computer and television. However, they would not completely ban these two devices, because it can be negative affect on their children. Sometimes, after the children completed to daily exercises, they can give a permission about 1-2 hours a day. I think that school directors also take some precautions in their cafeterias or dining halls. They should encourage them to prepare healthy foods in the kitchen and to sell reasonable prices these foods. Moreover, cafeteria owner can sell healthy foods with drinks. For example, they can create meal deals including milk or orange juice. In addition, some physical education teachers should help students to do lots of exercises like their parents. They can ask for the director to create suitable areas to do some healthy exercises their improvements. In conclusion, both parents and schools can help children to gain healthy lifestyle. However, they always have to be in touch with them, give good and effective advises all the time, encourage and recommend changing some bad habits in their daily life. I think these are so important for their children also their both physical and mental health.
Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not want to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life compared to past. I believe that education directors
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
family are much care about this vital situation.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take much more precautions to solve this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem.
For instance
, families should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. When they are at home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can ban to using computer and television.
However
, they would not completely ban these two devices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
completed to daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
, they can give a permission about 1-2 hours a day.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that school directors
also
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precautions in their cafeterias or dining halls. They should encourage them to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
foods in the kitchen and to sell reasonable prices these foods.
Moreover
, cafeteria owner can sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
foods with drinks.
For example
, they can create meal deals including milk or orange juice.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical education teachers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to do lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
the director to create suitable areas to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
their improvements.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.
However
, they always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be in touch with them, give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and effective advises all the time, encourage and recommend changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in their daily life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
their both physical and mental health.

IELTS essay Nowadays, most children do not want to choose a healthy life compared to past.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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