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Some believe that going to college is the best way to a successful career, whileothers believe that it is better to start working after graduating from highschool. Discuss these two views and give your opinion v.2

Some believe that going to college is the best way to a successful career, whileothers believe that it is better to start working after graduating from highschool. Discuss these two views and give your opinion v. 2
" People have different views about the way to success. While attending higher education is believed to be the key to successful career, having job after finishing highschool is also a popular choice. In my opinion, both of these decisions can lead to a brighter future. On the one hand, college is considered the shortest path to success. There are a variety of majors that fit one’s interests, such as Education, Business or Law. Students going to college attempt to gain specialist knowledge about their concerned areas, which is greatly useful for future job opportunity. Another advantage of attending college is, students have chance to practice, to fail before applying lesson into reality. They are also requested to have a lot of teamwork, which helps to improve necessary soft skills. In addition, a majority of people find it hard to get a job without a degree of bachelor in this competitive environment. On the other hand, I believe that college is the shortest way but not the only way to success. A number of students decide to have jobs as soon as after graduating from highschool since they have their own paths on their career. A student who has talent in art can be offered a job to draw for a game design company. Another example, the others who loves business can pursuit that interest by starting up their own ones, with the help of parents. Those are not requested to have bachelor degree to open the success door. In conclusion, people are able to choose the appropriate ways to pursuit their dreams, depending on interests and conditions. "
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. While attending higher education
is believed
to be the key to successful career,

having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after finishing
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
is
also
a popular choice. In my opinion, both of these decisions can lead to a brighter future.

On the one hand, college
is considered
the shortest path to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. There are a variety of majors that fit one’s interests, such as Education,

Business or Law.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
going to college attempt to gain specialist knowledge about their concerned areas, which is
greatly
useful
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
for


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity. Another advantage of attending college is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have chance to practice, to fail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying lesson into reality.

They are
also
requested to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
teamwork, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
necessary soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In addition
, a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
hard


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without a degree of bachelor in this competitive environment.

On the other hand
, I believe that college is the shortest way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decide to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
as


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
soon
as after graduating from
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
since they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
paths on their career. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who has talent in art can
be offered
a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
job


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
draw for a game design
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Another example, the others who
Did you mean "love"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'others' should be used.
loves
business can pursuit that
In English, people don't say "interest by'. They say, "interest in'. Did you mean "interest in"?
interest by
starting up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ones,

with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of parents. Those are not requested to have bachelor degree to open the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
door.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to choose the appropriate ways to pursuit their dreams, depending on interests and conditions.
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that going to college is the best way to a successful career, whileothers believe that it is better to start working after graduating from highschool. Discuss these two views and give your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
12 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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