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Nowadays many people suffer from obesity and other illnesses. What solution can you suggest?

Nowadays many people suffer from obesity and other illnesses. What solution can you suggest? lqRXW
In recent years the problem associated with obesity or other diseases are widespreaded. I will give two solutions related to this problem in further paragraphs. As many know in our days almost all people in the world spend their time sitting in front of TV, computer or other equipments. Also because of people always hasten they do not follow a special diets and eat fast foods. Lifestyle like this leads to big problems such as a obesity or stomach illnesses. Firstly, to avoid the problems like this it would be better to keep track of eating habits. Instead of consuming fast food it os better to noalize hole daily schedule. If he or she would make special time to consuming foos or add the time to preparing food by themselves to their schedule and would keep the rule it would give to human's organism additional vitamins. Also ot would be cause of good food processing. Secondly, one of the biggest cause of obesity ot is the sedentary lifestyle. Because of people spend their time sitting at home and at work, their organism begins to collect fat and this also can bring the illnesses of heart, liver and kidneys. So making healthy challengesby influencers of the countries would be good option. For instance people adopt to follow social networks and do a challenging videos. If there would be a challenge with physical activity by influential members of social network people would try to repeat this activities. Also this would be a big motivation to many persons to start doing sports. This can help to burnt fats from the human's body. To conclude, looking after to eating habits of people by themselves and pay attention to what they consume can keep their organism healthier. Together with this the important figures of countries can be used to summon people to avoid inactive lifestyle.
In recent years the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
associated with obesity or other diseases are
Possible spelling mistake found.
widespreaded
. I will give two solutions related to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in
further
paragraphs.

As
Possible agreement error. The noun know seems to be countable; consider using: "many knows".
many know
in our days almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting in front of TV, computer or other equipments.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always hasten they do not follow a special diets and eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Lifestyle like this leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
obesity or stomach illnesses.
Firstly
, to avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like this it would be better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of eating habits.
Instead
of consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it os
better to
Possible spelling mistake found.
noalize
hole daily schedule. If he or she would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to consuming
Possible spelling mistake found.
foos
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by themselves to their schedule and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
it would give to human's organism additional vitamins.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
Possible spelling mistake found.
ot
would
Did you mean "because"?
be cause
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
processing.

Secondly
, one of the biggest cause of obesity
Possible spelling mistake found.
ot
is the sedentary lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting at home and at work, their organism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to collect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and this
also
can bring the illnesses of heart, liver and kidneys.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
making healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
challengesby
influencers of the countries would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option.
For instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "adapt to"?
adopt to
follow social networks and do a challenging
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "video"?
videos
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
there would be a challenge with physical activity by influential members of social network
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would try to repeat
Did you mean "these"?
this
activities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
this would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
motivation to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing sports. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to burnt fats from the human's body.

To conclude
, looking after to eating habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by themselves and pay attention to what they consume can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their organism healthier. Together with this the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
figures of countries can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to summon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid inactive lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people suffer from obesity and other illnesses. What solution can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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