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Nowadays, many people like to work long time and spent little free time.Do you think it's advantage or disadvantages

Nowadays, many people like to work long time and spent little free time. Do you think it's advantage or disadvantages w7253
In the modern world, many people do work for longer period due to which they they get limited spare time. In my opinion, the disadvantage of this trend outweigh the advantages, and in the following paragraph shall day to prove my choice with logical explanation. on the one hand if a deep look is considen in the cause of disadvantages a numbers of neartive outcomes. can be mentioned in this reespeet. To begin with spending log time at work may be influence in their personal life, even sometimes causes of broke the relationship. As they do not Spend quality tim bo not write below this line with their family, children and friends moreover, making the extended hours could lead to several barks, such an even weight because they do not get much time to do exercise In one of the global research show near the 20% that health problems remorse The working position have increased. Further more, those who are doing work more and more the feel Streets and dire to which they behave with other very rudely: on the other hand some factors show that it is positive aspects too of working long hours. One key benefit is increase earning when helps them lead better life. They can full fill their all hopes. Apart from these, many professions force them to spent long time in the working place, suck as doctors, engineers, scientist. They Work for society, without their work it is almost impossible to growing our Society. In conclusion, working overtime might hell earn more money, but we always remember money never bring happiness in life. I think every professionals employers and employees should be spent time with family, friends, therefore they can live happy life.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for longer period due to which
Possible typo: you repeated a word
they they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
limited spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In my opinion, the disadvantage of this trend outweigh the advantages, and in the following paragraph shall day to prove my choice with logical explanation.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the one hand if a deep look is
Possible spelling mistake found.
considen
in the cause of disadvantages
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a number" or simply "numbers"?
a numbers
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
neartive
outcomes.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
can
be mentioned
in this
Possible spelling mistake found.
reespeet
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with spending log
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may be influence in their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
causes of broke the relationship. As they do not Spend quality
Possible spelling mistake found.
tim
Possible spelling mistake found.
bo
not write below this line with their family, children and friends
moreover
, making the extended hours could lead to several barks, such an even weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do exercise In one of the global research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
near the 20% that health problems remorse The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
position have increased.
Further
more, those who are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more and more the feel Streets and dire to which they behave with other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rudely
:

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects too of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
long hours. One key benefit is increase earning when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them lead better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They can full fill their all hopes. Apart from these,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions force them to spent long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
place, suck as doctors, engineers, scientist. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
for society, without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
it is almost impossible to growing our Society.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime might
Did you mean "he'll"?
hell
earn more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we always remember money never bring happiness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
every professionals employers and employees should
be spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family, friends,
therefore
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, many people like to work long time and spent little free time. Do you think it's advantage or disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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