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Nowadays, many people have access to computers on a wide basis, and a large number of children play computer games. Explain the causes and effects of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

Nowadays, many people have access to computers on a wide basis, and a large number of children play computer games. Explain the causes and effects of this problem and suggest some possible solutions. PLmVj
Currently, computers are accessible to a significant number of people, and this creates an opportunity for a large number of children to play computer games. Although children do not realize the negative impacts of these games, adults can help them to understand the effects of such behavior. Playing computer games regularly causes different problems in children. Overstimulation of the brain, which means reducing the ability to focus on one object, can be considered as an example. A child who is in the early stages of life should focus on things attentively, think and learn about them. But playing games creates overstimulation and it decreases children's curiosity about real life. Another example is the health impact of harmful rays emitted from computers. These rays are more harmful for children than for adults, because development of their health is still continuing and they are the easiest targets for such rays. Solutions to these problems are mainly related to parents' attempts. If they defined time spent on computer games in order to prevent their children's brains from being overstimulated, it would help children both have a good time and think about more things besides games. Additionally, for their own health, parents should attract children to real life: They can create an entertaining environment for them by doing things such as playing real games with children, which proves to them that real games are funnier. It will reduce time spent on the computer and protect their children from being harmed by dangerous rays. In conclusion, there might be other ways to fix the problem. From my point of view, I strongly feel that those listed above would suffice.
Currently
, computers are accessible to a significant number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and this creates an opportunity for
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not realize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, adults can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the effects of such behavior.

Playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
regularly
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Overstimulation
of the brain, which means reducing the ability to focus on one object, can
be considered
as an example. A child who is in the early stages of life should focus on things
attentively
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and learn about them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
creates
Possible spelling mistake found.
overstimulation
and it decreases children's curiosity about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life. Another example is the health impact of harmful rays emitted from computers. These rays are more harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than for adults,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
development of their health is
still
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
continuing and
they are the easiest targets for such rays.

Solutions to these problems are
mainly
related to parents' attempts. If they defined time spent on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their children's brains from
being overstimulated
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
both have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about more things
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Additionally
, for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health, parents should attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life: They can create an entertaining environment for them by doing things such as playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which proves to them that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are funnier. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
time spent on the computer and protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
being harmed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
rays.

In conclusion
, there might be other ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the problem. From my point of view, I
strongly
feel that those listed above would suffice.

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people have access to computers on a wide basis, and a large number of children play computer games. Explain the causes and effects of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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