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some people believed that going out for job, education or shopping is the cause of traffic jam while others believed that there are other possible solutions for this. do you agree or disagree?

some people believed that going out for job, education or shopping is the cause of traffic jam while others believed that there are other possible solutions for this. O6BMG
It is commonly believed that decreasing the necessity of people going out from home for work, education or shopping is the only way to reduce the congestion in traffic. In my perspective the above mentioned activities come under the basic needs of a man. So I completely disagree to the fore mentioned statement. To begin with, all jobs cannot be done from home. fist of all, consider the jobs like being a doctor, engineer, nurse, sales executive and may other professionals who have to visit their work place in order to meet their responsibilities. Similarly, if we are buying something online, dispatch staff still have to be on the road to deliver the product in the exact destination. In addition, today most of the educational institutions run on online platform due to the COVID pandemic. situation. Therefore, we all came to understand the difference between online teaching and face to face classes. Major thing to be noted here is the lack of effective communication between the tutor and students. For example, a study conducted by Oxford university this year shows that a vast 92 percent of students opt face to face classes over online class. Furthermore, if somebody is denied from going outside for their even for their basic needs and activities, they will be having severe trouble with their mental and physical health. Diseases like diabetes are common among those part of the community. To spotlight this, a survey done by World Health Organization last year tells that diseases like hypertension diabetes increased by seven percent. Hence, mortal need to visit their neighbourhood to perform their daily activities and leisure time. Since this is the case, it is not a right resolution for people not to travel. In order to minimize the congestion in traffic, the authorities should enhance the possible ways that can be implemented includes mass public transportation facilities, reduce travel fare and by encouraging people to use eco-friendly mode of transport rather than using ordinary rides.
It is
commonly
believed that decreasing the necessity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going out from home for work, education or shopping is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the congestion in traffic. In my perspective the above mentioned activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under the basic needs of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I completely disagree to the fore mentioned statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, all jobs cannot
be done
from home.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
fist
of all, consider the jobs like being a doctor, engineer, nurse, sales executive and may other professionals who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
visit their work place in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their responsibilities.
Similarly
, if we are buying something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, dispatch staff
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be on the road to deliver the product in the exact destination.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
most of the educational institutions run on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platform due to the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID
pandemic.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
situation
.
Therefore
, we all came to understand the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
teaching and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
classes. Major thing to
be noted
here is the lack of effective communication between the tutor and students.
For example
, a study conducted by Oxford university this year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a vast 92 percent of students opt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
classes over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Furthermore
, if somebody
is denied
from going outside for their even for their basic needs and activities, they will be having severe trouble with their mental and physical health. Diseases like diabetes are common among those part of the community. To spotlight this, a survey done by World Health Organization last year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
that diseases like hypertension diabetes increased by seven percent.
Hence
, mortal need to visit their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
to perform their daily activities and leisure time. Since this is the case, it is not a right resolution for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not to travel. In order to minimize the congestion in traffic, the authorities should enhance the possible ways that can
be implemented
includes mass public transportation facilities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
travel fare and by encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
eco-friendly mode of transport
rather
than using ordinary rides.
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IELTS essay some people believed that going out for job, education or shopping is the cause of traffic jam while others believed that there are other possible solutions for this.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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