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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. What might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

A significant increase of successful story persons who selected to establish their own business than willing to apply in the office, and this has meant that new generations can choose the challenge of their life rather than fix in a desk job. From my point of view, although work for organization is stable and sustainable for everyone but if I have any chance I will select to start my own business. In addition, people persuade a freedom for doing business such as they can decide their work in the best fields and use their own ability of skill to begin their affair. For example, many billionaire started their own enterprise comply with creativity and use modern technology to create products or services that popular in particular Apple company by the famous creator and producer Steve Job who left his university and kick off his business with his passion to sold electronic devices that entire of over the world use his products.   On the contrary, Some people adjust the person who self-employed with their own attitude about they can't achieve and do business without be in company first. because they think about company can manage and contribute their business with their employee why make a easy thing to be difficult due to having burden risk and lack of business opinions or without partner who properly able to consult. for instance some SMEs in Thailand face with bankrupt and dispose their product in uncontrollable situations. however, huge organization can survive. To summarize, it depends on personal view of work in company or self-employed. People can gambit with their purpose and preferable benefits of their life.
A significant increase of successful story persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
selected to establish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use "(business)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
business
than willing to apply in the office, and this has meant that new generations can choose the challenge of their life
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
in a desk job. From my point of view, although work for organization is stable and sustainable for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if I have any chance I will select to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
persuade
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
a freedom
for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
such as they can decide their work in the best fields and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their affair.
For example
,
Possible agreement error. The noun billionaire seems to be countable; consider using: "many billionaires".
many billionaire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
enterprise comply with creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
modern technology to create products or services that popular
in particular
Apple
The singular proper name 'Apple' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "companies", "companied".
company
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
creator and producer Steve Job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
his university and kick off his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with his passion to sold electronic devices that entire of over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his products.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
adjust the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
self-employed with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
attitude about they can't achieve and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
without be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
first
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can manage and contribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with their employee why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
easy thing to be difficult due to having burden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
opinions or without partner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
properly
able to consult.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
SMEs in Thailand face with bankrupt and dispose their product in uncontrollable situations.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, huge organization can survive.
To summarize
, it depends on personal view of work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or self-employed.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can gambit with their purpose and preferable benefits of their life.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. What might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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