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Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self employed? v.20

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self employed? v. 20
In recent times, many people want to be self-employed in their employment, rather than going for searching a work in organizations or companies. Because, there are a lot of crises in the recent job market, and the youth who wants to do something independently to earn money, are going for making their own employment. They are starting with a start-up and the government also today encourage much to do so. This can lead to a lower percentage of unemployment. The main reason behind self-employment is, most of the graduates over the world are not getting jobs right after their education completion. For example, the rate of unemployment is about 17. 2% in Bangladesh among younger workable persons. Furthermore, some of them, who have managed job somehow, are much depressed as they cannot show their creativity and cannot earn according to their ability as well. Like, a graduate from a renowned University, expects to earn 50K in each month, but, the employers are only offering 30k hardly. On the other hand, the economy of a country plays vital role in minimizing the cutback rate. Thus, the workable creative thinkers are now very much interested to open their own business. Government of the country, also encourage the startups by giving loans and other extra tax rebates. That will ultimately lower the cutback rate as a startup will make some other employment scopes. Furthermore, there might be some risks, associated with starting up a business of their own. Because, most of the time the entrepreneurs do not have that much knowledge about a particular business or do not have much experience. There might be a chance of being defaulted. The cost of being a defaulter in our country is so high that, for instance, one should be loosing his living shelter as well. Lastly, to Briefe, the self-employment is much important in reducing the total percentage and also make more scopes to show the creativity. Also, one should have precautions to face the bad situation of being a defaulter as a result of lacking in experience.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to be self-employed in their employment,
rather
than going for searching a work in organizations or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
crises in the recent job market, and the youth who wants to do something
independently
to earn money, are going for making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
employment. They are starting with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This can lead to a lower percentage of unemployment.

The main reason behind self-employment is, most of the graduates over the world are not getting jobs right after their education completion.
For example
, the rate of unemployment is about 17. 2% in Bangladesh among younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
persons.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them, who have managed job somehow, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
depressed as they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their creativity and cannot earn according to their ability
as well
. Like, a graduate from a renowned University,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
to earn 50K in each month,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the employers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offering 30k
The adverb 'hardly' is usually not used at the end of a sentence.
hardly
.
On the other hand
, the economy of a country plays vital role in minimizing the cutback rate.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
creative thinkers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
interested to open their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
of the country,
also
encourage the startups by giving loans and other extra tax rebates. That will
ultimately
lower the cutback rate as a startup will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other employment scopes.

Furthermore
, there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, associated with starting up a business of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, most of the time the entrepreneurs do not have that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
knowledge about a particular business or do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
experience. There might be a chance of
being defaulted
. The cost of being a defaulter in our country is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high that,
for instance
, one should be loosing his living shelter
as well
.

Lastly
, to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Briefe
, the self-employment is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in reducing the total percentage and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more scopes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the creativity.
Also
, one should have precautions to face the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation of being a defaulter
as a result
of lacking in experience.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self employed? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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